I am not that mom who sits on the floor with you playing My Little Pony for hours. I am not the mom who builds entire towns on Minecraft. I have never learned to play Pokémon and I never (ever) will. I am well aware of my failure in this aspect of parenting.
I am thankful for my husband, who excels in watching cartoons and playing video games. I smile when I see him and the kids tossing a football in the yard. (In the yard. No Throwing Balls in the House. Jesus.) I laugh when they wrestle and tickle and play, play, play.
I’m just not that mom.
I was the young soon-to-be mom, scared to death but determined, so determined, to bring you into this world and love you like no other. I was the single mother of two who worked long hours and still held dance parties with just my two boys where we sang at the top of our lungs and the laughter rang as loud as the music. Before you were even born, I was the mom eating cherry cheesecake so I could see you dance. (And because cheesecake.)
When I first saw you, I knew that you would hold my heart forever. Two more times I met my new sweet babies, and two more times my heart grew to wrap around all of you. When you were a baby, I was that mom who couldn’t sleep for looking at you. I can still feel you, so tiny, snuggled on my chest. When I see you asleep now, I still picture you curled up in footie pajamas, all wispy hair and dark lashes against perfect skin.
I was that mom who rocked you all night, patting and bouncing and shh, shh, shhing when you cried. I was the mom who panicked over every bump and bruise. I was the mom who kissed boo boos. I was the mom who spent untold hours waiting on casts for broken bones or bandages for cut fingers. (Safety scissors, my ass.) I was the mom whose leg you were firmly wrapped around the day we toured preschools. I was the mom who went to school online in order to work from home because you needed me.
I am the mom who signs notes and checks homework and packs lunches. I’m the mom who makes the doctor’s visits and dentist appointments and parent teacher conferences. I’m the mom who hasn’t worn anything but thrift store clothes for years so that you can go to school wearing clothes that are apparently hand-sewn by the famous athletes of the world.
I’m the mom who makes stupid jokes and sings off-key and acts sillier than I am just to see you smile. I’m the mom who wouldn’t trade those smiles for the entire world.
I’m the mom who loves you so much more than I could ever explain. And the mom who tries so hard to show you that.
But most times I feel like I am also the mom who is failing.
I’m the mom with chronic recurring depression. I’m the mom with generalized anxiety disorder. I’m the mom with PTSD. I’m the mom who has chronic migraines. I’m the mom with chronic pain. I’m the mom who sees more doctors than hairstylists. (Hahahahaha, I don’t even remember the last time I went to a stylist. But you have an appointment tomorrow.)
I am the mom who struggles every single day to accomplish the things that have to be done so that you can have a “normal” life. I am the mom who does your laundry even when I have to sit down to sort it. I’m the mom who makes sure the water bill gets paid so that you can shower. I’m the mom who clips your fingernails and buys you toothpaste and nags you to wear deodorant.
I’m also the mom who forgets things. Not the big stuff, like birthdays or Christmas, although there have been a few notes from the Tooth Fairy instead of cash. But I forget things that you already told me. I forget that when you were playing a video game yesterday, you scored 58 touchdowns and a free throw, and spawned…maybe a chicken? I don’t know. I forget.
But I’m also the mom who can tell in a single glance when you are upset, and who listens to you when you are sad and angry and when you are happy and excited, even if I do tend to forget your ponies’ names and LeBron’s stats and how to catch ’em all.
I’m the mom who wants to slay all your dragons and breathe fire on anyone who dares to hurt you.
I’m also the mom who too often hurts too much to cook dinner. I’m the mom who lets you eat an unhealthy amount of macaroni and pizza rolls. I’m the mom who has piles of clean laundry on the couch because my arms ache so badly I can’t fold it. I’m the mom who gets overwhelmed too easily. I’m the mom who has to hide when things get to be too much. I’m that mom who cries in the bathroom when I’ve let you down.
I’m the mom who stays awake at night worrying about you. I’m the mom who wishes she could save all your hugs and all your “I love you’s” and get them back out on the days when there are no hugs, just slamming doors.
I’m the mom who loves you SO MUCH. You are the children who save my life every day. I’m the mom who is trying to be the parent you deserve, even when I’m not the one you might want.
*EDITED TO ADD: I am completely overwhelmed by the response this post has gotten. I love all you guys so much, and even though everyone keeps saying that I’ve made them feel less alone, the truth is that YOU GUYS have made me feel less alone. Thank you all SO much for every like, comment, share, and kind thought. I’ve been trying to respond to all the comments, but as I guess y’all know, I’m sick a lot. But I have read every single one of them, and each one brings a smile to my face or a tear to my eye and sometimes both. I just wanted everyone to know how much your love and compassion for each other and your “me too” and your stories have affected me.
Love,
Steph
We Don't Chew Glass 
September 6th, 2015 at 7:55 pm
Thanks for this. I’m not that mom. I’m not a mom at all. I too have suffered with chronic illness (fatigue, pain, depression, anxiety, migraines, and more). I decided to give up the priveledge of motherhood because of it. And despite the fact I sacrificed knowing what many describe as the greatest joy a woman can have, I’m often seen as selfish for it. More than once I was told, “you should have kids, then you won’t have time to be sick.” I tend to think if I had had kids those would be the same people criticizing me for not doing a good job. Somehow we just can never win with some people no matter what we do. So all we can do is our best. I’ve learned to make peace with a body that isn’t and never will be what I want it to be. I can do what I can do. I have doctors and pills and PT and surgeries and hope. I thank God for them all. And I have a nephew! Does it get any better?
Thanks again. You’re an amazing mom. In the end you know what your kids will remember you for. Your love, support, and never giving up on them.
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September 6th, 2015 at 8:57 pm
You know I have 3 kids. When my health started deteriorating so quickly, I knew there was no way I could have another – I mean, neither I nor a child could even survive the pregnancy, let alone raising another child. The decisions we make in our lives are the ones that are the best for us in that moment. I hate that people judge women who are childless…or women who use formula…or women who breastfeed…or women who wear short skirts, take pain pills, or dye their hair magenta. I wish I could kick someone in the shin for you, although that would likely hurt me more than them. I have a nephew and two nieces and they are just the cutest things…and then I can send them right on home, lol. Thank you for reading, and for commenting, and for just being a nice person!
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September 9th, 2015 at 2:31 pm
Backatya. 🙂
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September 13th, 2015 at 7:36 pm
I have chronic migraines. I was that mom. There were years all I could do was put one foot in front of the other. Finally when my kids were 17, 15 & 10 I found a new neurologist who changed my life. Don’t give up!! There could be help out there. Yes I missed so much of son #1 & son #2’s lives but things improved and things got better and I was able to live a “normal” life with son #3.
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September 8th, 2015 at 11:45 pm
I don’t think you are selfish, I think you have selflessness. If you have come to terms with it, then you are a better person then I. My god bless you with everything else that your heart desires.
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September 6th, 2015 at 9:12 pm
I cried reading this. I’m a mom (only to one though) and I have major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD as well as chronic pain from a car accident. I don’t play often and I always feel bad about it. Day to day things are so hard. I just wanted to thank you for being so open about such a difficult thing. You are amazing for doing all you do and keeping you with three little ones as well as you do.
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September 7th, 2015 at 9:50 am
I get what you are saying. It is all a bit insane. Kids don’t need playmates, entertainers, and cruise directors. They need stability, love, nutrition, enrichment. I think that they are helped by seeing someone deal with adversity, develop compassion by sharing someone that has needs, and learn that they don’t need to be all things – just the best thing that they can be. I also believe that they are stronger for it if they can learn to entertain themselves and learn to participate in their own care (learn to cook, clean, and so on). Not as a modern cinderella – but as a participant in family life.
Don’t apologize at all – you will raise compassionate, caring, and capable children.
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September 7th, 2015 at 2:35 pm
Wow did this article hit home. Not too many people understand the lengths those of us with chronic pain go to be moms. While I’m blessed with a helpful husband, I still have to work full time and often have no energy left when get home. You helped me understand that I’m not alone and it’s OK to just do my best… even if the boys do only eat pizza and mac n cheese alot! Thanks again!
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September 7th, 2015 at 3:01 pm
What a breath of fresh air! I’m not that mum either, but I don’t have chronic pain. What I “suffer” from is cultural chains that bound me to having a squeaky clean house, freshly pressed laundry, a fridge full of healthy food while working as a teacher, an examiner and a tutor. I know it’s wrong and stupid to put these things first, but I can’t switch it off…
So I don’t play and I don’t really listen to the video-game-victories, yet I’m healthy. According to my Facebook feed I’m a terrible mum, at least that’s what all those feel-good statuses lead me to believe.
After reading your article, I feel that maybe, just maybe, I’m actually just normal (ish)… so thank you. Thank you for making my day, my week and hell maybe even my month
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September 7th, 2015 at 3:34 pm
I completely relate to this. I have two kids and during my second battle with cancer they took care of me. A lot of the treatments left some very bad effects on me, as well as my depression, migraines, and most days unrelenting pain. I am also going to school online, because I need to be here more for my kids than in a classroom. I printed this off and will give a copy to each of my kids on day so that they can understand what I could never put into words. But this is me too. I carry my children with all the love in my heart, and on days I cant, they carry me.
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September 7th, 2015 at 4:06 pm
I love it!! I agree with all you said, chips and salsa for lunch? Sure!! I am a mom for 8&1/2 years of two girls and was diagnosed with Lupus 10 years ago…. Sometimes it is all I can do, to get them up, fed and off to school only to have to lie back down until lunchtime- so I can make it through the evening.
When it’s too hot or too cold, I am worthless outside, but my daughters know, that I love to watch them play, dad always joins in though. (That’s what dad is for, right, we nurture- they teach them adventure! ) I will say though, if I am having a good day, I do try to build that Lincoln log house or block scraper, maybe even try my hand at Barrie’s new hair style. I think though, giving my girls the ideas or storylines, instead of actually being in the middle of play with them, helped them create the most wonderful imaginations! :-).
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September 12th, 2015 at 3:01 pm
Oh Lord, I’m a master Barbie stylist, although my client is always a little picky and she doesn’t pay worth shit. 🙂
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September 7th, 2015 at 9:25 pm
Wow, this hit home hard, made me cry. I’m that mom too. Having a very traumatic childhood, my first son 2 weeks before I turned 18, and my second at 21 in which afterwards I battled severe postpartum depression, thyroid disease, anemia, hypoglycemia,depersonalization/derealization disorder,migraines, anxiety and eventually chronic depression,ptsd and agoraphobia. My youngest son has autism with adhd, and their father was a drug addicted sick man with bi-polar disorder. I’m a single mom and I never get a break, or a babysitter for a night or even few hours out. I am always exhausted,overwhelmed,anxious and in pain, yet I will never give up and have given my children more than I think anyone else could have in my shoes and they truly are my life. It’s nice to know i’m not alone in these struggles and although I often feel like i’m failing because of how much more I want to do for them, and how much i’m limited by all my health issues, finances and son’s autism, I know i’m being too hard on myself. As long as we are doing our best, whatever that means for each of us individually, we are all supermoms.
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September 7th, 2015 at 10:41 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is what I’ve been wanting to write since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I had my oldest read it and we were both in tears.
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September 7th, 2015 at 10:48 pm
Thank you so much for this. I am not that mom either. When I see my son playing with his toys I really want to be the mom who sits with him and plays, I want to be the mom who keeps the laundry folded and organized and have healthy suppers on the table every night, but I just can’t. While reading this article it felt like the words were taken right out of me and placed on the page. I suffer from graves disease, upper back pain due to a car accident, lower back pain, siatica, anxiety, bursitis and a few more. I cry ever night when I sit up unable to sleep out of guilt for the pile of laundry that is clean but sits on my lazy boy recliner, about the lack of patients I have when my son is having a bad temper day or is just being a normal four year old with mood swings. I love him more than life itself and would do anything to protect him, but I am in so much pain and feeling wiped out all the time that most days if I can work my eight hour day to pay the bills and give my son a home, while making sure my son is fed, washed, loved enough, and happy I feel like I have won for the day. But then I still feel like I lost because I missed out on so much more that is important, I push myself to take him for long walks and playing at the park. Thank god he loves going for long drives to no where…just me and him and rock and roll because that is about all I have left before his bedtime most days. I hope one day to feel healthier and able to do the things he wants mommy to do, because unlike some, daddy isn’t around to play on the floor when I cannot, or step in when he is having a moment and mommy is to tired too, It is and has always been just me and my baby boy and because of who his father is I wouldn’t want it any other way. He had his chance after I forced him to and he blew it in the worst way possible. Now I have to get my son therapy for abuse, anger issues, and comfort my son even more than most need just so that he knows that with just one parent he has all the love in the world that he needs and I will do anything for him. I just hope everyday that he has enough love. Anyway, thank you again for your words.
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September 7th, 2015 at 11:38 pm
I raised 4 kids while healthy (praise the Lord), but with a husband who was schizophrenic (but who is now merely suffering from dementia), a daughter with poorly controlled epilepsy (who again lives with us at age 42), another daughter with a blood disorder, a daughter with huge anger management issues, and a son with schizo affective disorder and PTSD from his military service. The things that are handed to us are the ones best suited to teach us things we need to learn: faith, patience, unconditional love (for ourselves, as well as others), wisdom and loyalty, along with many other best attributes of humanity. We persevere because we love, and, in my case, because I know that I worship a God who has performed miracles in my life. We have 17 beautiful grandchildren, and 4 little great-grandchildren, all of whom have had to deal with their parents’ shortcomings and illnesses, but who are turning out to be incredibly great people, just like their parents.
There is purpose to this life, I have found, and everyone’s challenges are unique. As long as we can love, and most importantly, forgive, we will come out the other end of our particular tunnels into a marvelous light.
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September 8th, 2015 at 3:44 am
Wow. Your article really hit home for me. When my son was born 8 yrs ago, we took him hiking and to zoos and to parks. We even taught him how to walk on hiking trails. And we did a lot of this (albeit not as much) when my daughter was born 6 yrs ago. But a lot of it began to change about 3 1/2 yrs ago when all of a sudden it started to hurt to travel. I would have trouble walking when we’d get out of the car on the way home.
I used to have “bad days” – now every once in a while I have a “good day”. I have been to more doctor’s offices in the past few years than I have ever been to in my life, with the exception of prenatal exams. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic arthralgias, possible fibromyalgia, possible Lyme disease, and now Hoshimotos. This is even affecting my son who now “hurts” in all sorts of weird places. And I know it’s to get attention! Every day I constantly feel I have let my husband and children down. I shouldn’t have to constantly rest, dammit. I’m only 48 – not 88!!!
The depression guilt, and sometimes anger that goes with all this pain is often unbearable. I take more medication now than I ever have, but it doesn’t really help much. Like you, my husband and children keep me here, trying very hard to love them until my pain stops. I can’t play, hike, run, or do much else anymore. But I can hug them, encourage them, and thank them for being my strength when I don’t have any left.
Thank you for putting into words what I could not!!
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September 8th, 2015 at 7:55 am
I could be your twin. Except I cry everywhere, can’t always make it to the bathroom. I’m also the mom married to an verbally and emotionally abusive person who’s afraid that only having one parent will harm my children more than having 2 “challenged” parents. Thanks so much for the encouragement in your post. You’ll never know how it helped me today.
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September 12th, 2015 at 2:59 pm
It’s my personal opinion that it is worse for kids to see their mother treated badly than to have just one parent in the home. I hope you don’t feel like I’m judging you – I’m not, I’m crying cause I’m worried about your situation. ❤
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September 8th, 2015 at 8:30 am
I’m a mum with RA raising two boys on the autism spectrum. My hubby is a great help, and he really does try to understand. I feel less alone now, thank you xx
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September 8th, 2015 at 12:31 pm
This made me cry. I have just one of my own, but I could have written this. I am not that mom, but I am a good mom. She is my savior.
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September 8th, 2015 at 2:29 pm
Pretty much sums it up for me only I had four boys!
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September 8th, 2015 at 3:02 pm
I’m sitting here today stressing out because my son has ball practice and my ptsd is bad today. I have someone willing to take him for me, but I feel I’d let him down so badly to miss one practice. I feel angered that I can’t control how I’m feeling and that it never fully goes away. I love him more than anything. He’s only 7 but I know he knows this, as well. Thank you for this article. It made me feel less alone in my own lunacy. I hope that was good enough validations. Have a great day lady!
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September 12th, 2015 at 2:55 pm
I know *exactly* how you feel. I will tell you, having 3 children and Knowing All the Things, that missing one practice is not going to be something that he remembers, even a few weeks down the road. When my boys were little I felt like I had to be at every practice. Now I’m like, when’s the game, lol. I bet you are doing much better than you think you are. ❤
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September 8th, 2015 at 5:00 pm
Reblogged this on Rondom Familybonding.
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September 8th, 2015 at 5:33 pm
So well, put. I get you. Your kids will love you and think you are strong for fighting what seems like a losing battle everyday.
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September 8th, 2015 at 5:40 pm
Crying like a baby right now. I am a mother of 2 beautiful adults. I was a silent sufferer while raising my kids. The stigma of having a “mental disorder” (and the fear of my kids being taken from me) kept me from getting the medical help that I needed for waayyy too long. I was not a perfect mum, and there were days that I was probably a pretty bad mum. But the love that I had/have for my kids far outweighed those bad days. It is amazing just how little kids actually need, to grow into amazing adults. 😀
You are doing an amazing job. (Don’t let anyone tell you any different) Your kids won’t remember the crappy days, they will remember the love and the laughs, and the fact that you were “there”. Hang in there, it isn’t easy and it doesn’t get any easier, but keep the love flowing and you and your kids will get through life one day at a time.
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September 8th, 2015 at 8:24 pm
I began having chronic recurrent depression and severe anxiety and panic disorder when my son was young. His dad had gotten on drugs and was very abusive and violent, and my son and I went through
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September 8th, 2015 at 8:32 pm
I began having chronic recurrent depression and severe anxiety and panic disorder when my son was young. I raised him by myself from day one, at only 19. His dad had gotten on drugs and was very abusive and violent, and my son and I went through a period of being homeless – I have never felt such despair. This post made me cry in just a few seconds! I know the struggle and the love you write about. I am now in a graduate program, pushing all my limits just to find a way for my son to have a good life! I have recently started to date a man who I hope can fill the more “playful” niche you talk about with your husband, though we are long distance for the remainder of my school. Hang in there fellow mommas, you all rock, and we can do this!!
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September 9th, 2015 at 12:53 am
I suffer from PTSD, I nearly lost my son to a AVM, stroke…..I cried so much reading this, cause in my cases those are my words and my feelings. Keep going, you are a wonderfull MOM!
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September 9th, 2015 at 11:12 pm
It never occurred to me that a Mom would feel this way regarding her kids – I have a grandaughter who is a new Mom who provides care fort her child but no emotional or sentimental contact. Perhaps this is her problem – I feel bad that I judged her parenting. Wish I could help her
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September 12th, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I hope you didn’t misunderstand me…I definitely am there for my kids emotionally. It’s the “get down on the floor, run up this hill, play basketball” stuff that I can’t do. I’m a little concerned about your granddaughter when you say she has no emotional or sentimental contact…I’m pretty sure that is one of the signs of post-partum depression. I don’t want to tell you what to do, obviously, but I would definitely talk to her and find out where her head is. PPD is very real and very serious and a new mom has enough troubles without dealing with that. *hugs* I will be thinking of you, your granddaughter, and her new baby.
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September 10th, 2015 at 1:38 am
[…] I am Not That Mom. – I think a lot of Moms out there can identify with this post. It’s a tear jerker and if it resonates with you, prepare for a breakdown. I sat in tears reading this post by a Mom who loves her children with everything she’s got, but can’t always be mentally or physically present due to chronic depression, PTSD, another chronic illnesses. […]
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September 10th, 2015 at 4:09 am
This made me cry, I am that mum right now, I’m still fighting my health worries to do the best for my kids and family, I will never give up. This has shown me that I’m bot alone, and for that I’m thankful xxxx
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September 10th, 2015 at 6:05 am
I just wanted to say that I read this, being a teenager myself and started balling to think that my mom might have more problems than I’m aware of, I feel like she’s superwoman and just thinking she could be having issues brakes my heart. I’m so thankful for her and I love her more than anything. To any mom’s out there, you’re so awesome. Thank you from all of us bratty kids.
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September 12th, 2015 at 2:34 pm
This is so sweet! Thank you so much. I hope all the other commenters read this! *hugs*
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September 13th, 2015 at 3:32 am
It took me til I was an adult to appreciate my parents. I’m so glad you’re able to do that now!
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September 10th, 2015 at 9:57 am
Wow, I accidentally clicked on this while taking 2 second to check if I missed someone’s birthday. Only to cry for 20 minutes because it felt like you were writing my story. I “know” I am not the only one out there. However, it makes me not feel like such a failure to read that there are others. 🙂
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September 10th, 2015 at 10:20 am
I love this, I was your “type” of mom.
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September 10th, 2015 at 1:04 pm
Thank you. I only have one child (3) but you put words to so many of my feelings. I know the pain physical and mental of chronic illness. Thank you for saying what is so hard to express and understand
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September 11th, 2015 at 4:46 am
I had my daughter when I was 37, (after 4 miscarriages from a chromosonal disorder) and I have had PTSD and lots of pain from degenerative disc disorder. My daughter is my life and my joy. I just read your article and cried. I am so much like you! All I want is for my little girl to have a happy, healthy life with lots of self esteem and confidence. I always feel like I am never going to be good enough, but I will never stop trying. Keep up the good work, you are a better Mom than you realize!
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September 11th, 2015 at 5:02 pm
This is my life every word. I am a single mother of 2 boys. Every single word describes my daily life. I work 50-60 hrs a week and am raising kids alone with no help. I struggle, I smile, I laugh and I hide to cry.
Thanks for putting it in words
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September 11th, 2015 at 11:13 pm
You touched my heart. Brought back sweet,precious memories and made me cry but,that’s ok.
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September 12th, 2015 at 10:20 am
I too am that mom. Now that Nana too. I have MS, migraines, PTSD and bipolar disorder. I SO get where you are coming from but hang in there! My girls are grown now. The most wonderful and beautiful grandson imaginable is a part of my life and all those long days and longer nights well worth it. Bless you!
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September 12th, 2015 at 7:53 pm
This is me, over and over. I’m sitting here balling my eyes out. Thank you, thank you for this! I’ve shared it on Facebook and tagged my 2 older boys in it. I hope they understand. You have taken all my thoughts and feelings and written them out in a way I never could.
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September 12th, 2015 at 11:14 pm
Wow! I am in tears reading this and it’s good to know I’m not alone in this battle. Raising my two boys on my own with chronic illness and PTSD, anxiety and depression. Hang in there! God bless you!!
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September 13th, 2015 at 2:38 am
Maybe you’re not that mum but you’re still an amazing mum! There is no rules of how to be a good mum anywhere anyway. Nothing says it’s better to do this or that! I guess it’s just about doing what we can to manage day to day life and keep things all together. Somedays it’s harder than others but as long as there is loads of love, it will always end up well. Nobody can take the smiles and hugs and lovely words away from us for it’s in our heart and minds forever.
My mum was never playing a game with us. She was a single mum with 3 children, so she was working a lot and when she was at home with us, the last thing she wanted was to play stupid games with us.
All she wanted was peace and relaxation. But thanks to her and her sacrifice (because she has sacrified a lot working so hard to afford buying us things and making sure we would not miss on having a bike etc., or having a family holiday once a year), nowadays we know what really is important in life and we love our mum to bits.
She was always too tired to play therefore I’ve learnt to play with my older brother and sister (when they wanted to, cause they’re 7 and 8 years older) or with my nan who was looking after us when our mum was at work, but mainly just played on my own. I have spent hours playing on my own, with my dolls, or playing in the garden or watching TV. Then because I used to spend a lot of time on my own, at school I was never very sociable, never had much friends but the couple of friends I had then, I still have today (even though I now live in different country, we’re still very much in touch and they both travelled to come for my wedding).
All of this to say, I think my mum is amazing for all she managed to do for us when having it so hard. And not having her playing much with us has not made any difference, we adapted ourselves, we became more independant. Today the three of us are happy with our lives and that is what is important. And my mum, now she’s retired, she plays with her grand children and it puts a big smile on my face when I see her doing that. And she says her greatest joy in life is being proud of what her three children became and if she had to do it again, she would not change a thing. And I must say, I would not want anything to be different. I always loved my mum as she is. Of course some days it has been frustrating to be the only one not having her mum going to parents-teachers meetings, or having to wait for an hour at the door of the school cause she was supposed to finish work on time to pick me up, or not having my tracksuit ready for sport day and having to tell the teacher I forgot it. But all these things made me become who I am today, it didn’t affect my love for my mum at all, it just give us stories to laugh at when we all meet for a meal at mum’s. ;-p
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September 13th, 2015 at 3:30 am
Thank you for this. Aside from the single mom part…this is me. I have PTSD & GAD as well. But I fiercely love my children! Thank you for sharing your words. I know I’m not alone.
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September 13th, 2015 at 4:06 am
Thank you- this could have been written by me! It’s too accurate… And no one in our lives understands.
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September 13th, 2015 at 6:59 am
I might have read the whole article if you didn’t curse. Why don’t you pick another name to expres your disgus?
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September 13th, 2015 at 2:18 pm
Because I’m not that mom either.
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September 13th, 2015 at 7:19 am
Ok, you are reading my mind! I just forgot to leave the “tooth fairy” money again, for the 3rd night in a row!
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September 13th, 2015 at 2:18 pm
Oh, man. Throw a dollar under the bed and be like, “Oh look what I found!” Wait. The tooth would still be there. Do Not Take Advice From Me, lol.
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September 13th, 2015 at 6:00 pm
You know, our tooth fairy was pretty unreliable, too, but our kids learned that she(he?) always came eventually. I think they kind of enjoyed the stories of her crazy antics, especially when she left a note describing how she had to crawl down the sink when Dad accidentally chucked the tooth down there. Come to think of it, our kids have had similar notes from Santa and the Easter bunny, which they always enjoyed. I think it helped them to develop an understanding of how hard some jobs are, as well as giving them a good laugh. What is it about our location? It’s so hard to get good help……
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September 13th, 2015 at 1:03 pm
I just want you to know that you are not alone. I relate to everything you said here. Beautifully written. Thank you.
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September 13th, 2015 at 5:28 pm
I am a mother of a high needs child who is 6. I have been diagnosed w Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, and have also struggled w depression. My mother was an amazing mom and did fun things w all of us kids, and even homeschooled us. She had so much energy and happiness. I thought I would be the same. I thought I would love being a full time mom. As it turns out, I don’t, and it took me 5 years to recognize it. Having the health & emotional struggles has not helped. I have struggled w so much guilt from so badly wanting to do it all: being patient & kind, being happy and energetic, doing BASIC home maintenance (that is even difficult for me), serve us healthy meals, do fun things & play, and am always researching and applying and trying new things to try to help my child with all her emotional & physical sensitivities. Needless to say, I have been unable to do all those things. And so often the things I am able to do I feel are not helping and are not good enough. With all the gentle things I have tried to try to help her become healthier and stronger, often it doesn’t seem to help. I am homeschooling because my daughter needs me w her at this point. And she is an only child. She wants me to play w her constantly. This is kind of a run on post, but I am sure you get the Idea. Reading everyone’s posts helps me realize that there are others out there who understand, and also to be thankful for what I do have. I am thankful that no one in my family has any life threatening condition, even if chronic, and that I have a loving supporting husband who is an amazing father. My biggest concern is that I will not do a good enough job to keep her from dealing w all the trauma & pain I have dealt with from my own childhood & past,which I won’t go into here. I am also concerned that my daughter will not see how much I loved her, that she will be hurt by how much I failed. To be honest, that is how I feel about my parents, which is why I think she will feel that way about me. I don’t want to judge my parents, but it is a process. There is part of me that still wants to know that I have done better than them, which I am sure sounds awful to say.
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September 14th, 2015 at 2:25 am
It sounds honest to say, not awful. Sending your family lots of love.
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September 14th, 2015 at 5:26 am
Thank you 🙂
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September 13th, 2015 at 6:02 pm
I am this mom too. I have 4 babies. Ranging from teen to kindergartner. I have a thyroid disorder and sometimes it effects me with pain issues, sometimes with depression and panic. I cry locked away and I sometimes don’t make it out of the room. My teen has held me numerous times while I sob. He calls the others over for “Momma Lovin Time”. I feel I let them down but on my good days I see that I am teaching them how to deal with people with issues. It shows already. My children, even the baby, is compassionate. You are not alone… neither am I. Thank you for writing this
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September 13th, 2015 at 6:41 pm
I am the mom that will never be able to have a child. I envy what you have and applaud your short comings. If a child is loved that much, there are no short comings. All my best. 🙂
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September 14th, 2015 at 2:22 am
I don’t really know what to say, but I wanted you to know that I wish I did. Thank you SO much for the kind words. ❤
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September 13th, 2015 at 7:37 pm
Hits so close to home for me. I am this mom but also i still get down and play even though im in pain or so tired im on my 4th cup off coffee or 2nd can of rockstar. Its all worth it to make my babys life a good happy one. Glad im not the only one in the same situation . Thank you for sharing.
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September 13th, 2015 at 9:55 pm
Thank you so much for this one. It hits really close to home and I am right there struggling with you. Hope most days are better than others. Our babies are never to old for a quick snuggle and kiss. Thinking of you!
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September 14th, 2015 at 6:14 am
I was just reading this article on the bus this morning, on my way to work. It is always very trying in the morning, getting both myself and my daughter ready. I was trying hard not to cry while reading this, it is so true. Things have been tough for the 2 of us lately, and some days there aren’t as many hugs as there are fights. But then I see her sweet face, telling me how much she loves her mommy, and it makes me feel better. Thank you for writing this article, you have really touched me.
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September 14th, 2015 at 11:17 am
Where has this article been the last 7 years of my parenting? Where have you been? I need YOU in my life Hahahaha. That doesn’t sound creepy at all. Thank you Steph for this blog post….. Thank you so much!!
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September 14th, 2015 at 1:21 pm
Hahaha. Maybe a little creepy. Kidding! I’m kidding. Love this comment. You better stick around!
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September 14th, 2015 at 1:22 pm
I wasn’t a single mother with 2 young children at home, BUT “MY” MOM WAS.
I’ve often thought how much easier it would have been for her to put me up for adoption. BUT I HAD MORE LOVE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE. MY MOTHER taught herself how to see & made all my clothes (including matching tiny clothes for my dolls), MY MOTHER canned the food we are, did laundry on the old ringer washing machine, ironed EVERYTHING, made homemade bread almost daily & married the man that helped raise me to be me when I was 9. MY MOTHER also raised 2 step-childten & when told to have a medical abortion at 42 REFUSED, KNOWING THE DAMAGE IT WOULD CAUSE HER HEART. MY MOTHER, passed away just before her 50th Birthday. MY MOTHER’S SACRIFICE GAVE MY HUSBAND, ONLY SON & I A CHANCE TO RAISE MY OTHER SON (my younger brother of 16 years), AS OUR CHILD & WE TRIED TO TEACH HIM “FAMILY” VALUES. WE ALSO ‘ADOPTED’ MY BOYS’ BEST FRIEND as part of our family. B
MY MOTHER WAS THE BEST. No one ever walked away from our home hungry or in need of help. She fed strangers off the street even though we didn’t have much.
I AM THE MOTHER YOU DESCRIBED BECAUSE I WAS “LYCKY” TO HAVE HAD ONE CHILD & THROUGH ‘GOD’S PLAN, WAS LATER GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE MORE.
HOWEVER, I AM ALSO THE YOUNG MOTHER WHO AT 34 HAD A STROKE AND WAS CARED FOR BY ‘MY BOYS’. It bothered me SO MUCH to think they were caring for me instead of me for them WHILE my wonderful HUSBAND traveled for his job), …… .UNTIL ONE DAY MY BISHOP TOLD ME ‘That by caring for each other AND attending to MY needs’, these young men would someday grow up to be AMAZING, CARING, KIND AND COMPASSIONATE HUSBANDS, FATHERS & FRIENDS’.
I AM THE MOTHER WHO WITH THE LOVE, PATIENCE & HELP, RECOVERED FROM THE STROKE & ALTHOUGH I CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH HEALTH ISSUES (as I’m sure a lot of you have), I NEVER ONCE GAVE UP! BECAUSE OF ‘ MY FAMILY ‘.
.* NOTE – , my FAMILY is a combination of VERY special PEOPLE, who walked through my door as strangers and left AS MY KIDS. I AM THE MOTHER WHO TRIED TO TAKE EACH & EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE WITH MY KIDS “COUNT”. I MISS THE NOUSE, THE LAUGHTER & JUST THEM GROWING UP, BUT I AM THE PROUD MOTHER OF SOME OF THE MOST AMAZING HUSBANDS , FATHERS, DAUGHTERS, MOTHERS THEMSELVES, GRANDBABIES, & GRAND DOGS, JUST BY THE GRACE OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER, was entrusted to care for and love ” HIS CHILDREN”..
BUT I MUST WARN YOU, I AM ALSO THE MOTHER “WHO WILL KICK YOUR BUTT, IF YOU EVER MESS WITH “MY CHILDREN”.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE THE MOTHER I AM TODAY. I just tweaked it a little ;). ;). ;). ;). 😉
I AM THE MOTHER WHO TRIED AND DIDN’T GIVE UP BECAUSE I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF ‘MY KIDS’ FOR THEMSELVES. I PRAY THEY WILL SOMEDAY KNOW “HOW MUCH I TRULY DO Love THEM”.
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