Hi there.
As you can see, I survived the Holiday Season, fraught with human interaction though it was. It has taken me this long to reach some semblance of recovery…you know, back to my normal state of pajamas and pony tails and questionable hygiene.
I’m just going to dip my toes into the blog in this first post, and maybe next time I will plug my nose and jump all the way in.
Here are some of the Most Ridiculous Things my family has said to me during my break.
From my 6-year-old.
Thing 1: I slept for like 13 hours!
Me: I know. I thought about waking you guys up, but I knew you’d want me to feed you.
Thing 1: Wow…the maternal instinct is so strong…I can’t even.
Husband: *speaks only in puns for a damned hour*
Me: Your puns are not making me happy.
Thing 3: Boogycalla.
Me:
Thing 3: A long time ago, ancient people used that word for ‘hello.’
Me: I hate everything that’s on my desk.
Husband: You also hate everything that’s not on your desk.
Me: Excellent point.
Thing 1: So…food?
Me: It’s one o’clock. I’ll make dinner at dinnertime.
Thing 1:
Me: I can’t feed you twice a day! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thing 1:
Me: Anyway, dinner is the most important meal of the day.
Thing 1: We’ve been talking for like 10 minutes and you’ve lied to me three times.
*You may have noticed a theme here regarding my children and their near-constant demands for nourishment. I don’t know if all kids are like this, but mine like to eat at least 12 times a day. I personally don’t care how much they eat, it’s how much they expect me to cook that appalls me.
I would like to point out that these kids are 16, 12, and 6.
1.5 of them are fully capable of cooking for themselves without supervision.
**Thing 2 is missing from this post because all he says anymore sounds to me like, “Football, football, yardline, pass, interception, football, that guy, football, some guy, Madden, football, football, football.” It is barely English.
We Don't Chew Glass 
January 26th, 2015 at 7:19 pm
HAHAAAAHAAHAHAAAAA! (you made me laugh) (welcome back btw, you were missed)
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:43 pm
Thanks. I’ve been kinda lurking about…but I have A LOT of reading to catch up on nonetheless.
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January 26th, 2015 at 7:23 pm
OMG I’ve missed you and your awesome family
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:44 pm
I would say I’ve missed you but I’ve been stalking you secretly this whole time. Mwah!
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January 26th, 2015 at 7:37 pm
I’ve missed you!!!! Welcome back. Happy you survived the holidays.
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:45 pm
Beth! Thank you and me too! lol. Hopefully I can catch up on what everybody has been doing…I heard a rumor that you wrote a book!
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:24 pm
I think the fact that you refuse to feed them more than once a day is excellent. Way to teach them survival skills! Their future spouses will thank you and nominate you for the MIL Of The Year Award!
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:46 pm
Right? I’m doing this for their own good. Or something.
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:37 pm
Glad to see you back in time for the Super Bowl. Yet another occasion the family requires nourishment. Mutter mutter wings football touchdown nachos patriots football football deflated. It’s Maddening. See what I did there? Pun… Your husband would appreciate it.
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January 26th, 2015 at 8:43 pm
Oh my God I just died laughing. There are tears.
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January 27th, 2015 at 7:21 am
I asked Baby B about some dude on the TV this morning because I thought he was a Backstreet Boy. Baby B got a bit indignant that I thought he knew who the members of the Backstreet Boys are. Sigh… Kids are great. Or something.
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January 27th, 2015 at 7:42 am
HA! I like them best when they are asleep.
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January 27th, 2015 at 7:42 am
I’ve missed you and am so happy to read this post!
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January 27th, 2015 at 7:43 am
Thank you! That is so sweet!
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January 27th, 2015 at 9:54 am
Welcome back!!! Great way to get back into things, this was totally up to your usual ridiculously hilarious standards. 😀
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January 27th, 2015 at 11:17 am
Thank you! ❤
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January 27th, 2015 at 12:39 pm
Welcome back~ I haven’t even managed to write because I feel very boring lately and um life and stuff, but here I am reading AND posting, so that counts, right?
Thanks for the laugh!!– and I have so much catch up blog reading to do that I think I’ll go knit now.
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January 28th, 2015 at 8:32 am
Ha! I know that feeling. I’m going to take a nap.
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January 27th, 2015 at 12:40 pm
Boogycalla and welcome back! 😉
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January 28th, 2015 at 8:32 am
Boogycalla! lol
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January 28th, 2015 at 8:19 am
Yeah! Your back, missed you and the never ending story of food n kids……. 😱
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January 28th, 2015 at 8:33 am
Thanks! I missed you too!
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January 28th, 2015 at 1:54 pm
Oh how I’ve missed you and your hilarious family xoxo
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January 29th, 2015 at 6:48 am
Awww! Hopefully I’m back for good! xoxoxo
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January 28th, 2015 at 7:58 pm
Was Sophia planning to run away to Texas? How far did she get?
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January 29th, 2015 at 6:49 am
Ha! Yes, I guess she was. Riley is a little boy in her class who she has had a crush on for two years. She didn’t get any further than writing the note this time! God help me when she gets older!
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January 30th, 2015 at 9:12 am
Too. Much. Togetherness.
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January 30th, 2015 at 6:59 pm
Word.
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March 4th, 2015 at 5:41 pm
I have been bogged down with other reading and just got back around to you and was so glad to see two posts! You made my evening! My boys are 4 and almost 2 and I’m pretty sure I will need several full time jobs to support each of their eating habits by the time they hit 10 respectively! Glad to know I’m not alone.
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March 9th, 2015 at 5:32 pm
OH MY GOD THEY EAT SO MUCH! Seriously, I just told my husband that the next time he buys certain snacks, I want them hidden in my room so I can be sure to get some. Or all. We’ll see.
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September 1st, 2015 at 11:18 am
SO I just stumbled across your blog and the “I’m not that mom” post had me in tears. I have suffered from depression since I was 20 years old and am (and always will be) medicated. That’s fine. I get through the days. I felt a connection when you mentioned how it wasn’t the first time your children’s existence basically saved your life. If not for my 12 yr old son…
However, I am from Little Rock (read a post that said you were in the Ozarks – didn’t know if it was AR or MO) and my BIGGEST complaint about motherhood is having TO FEED HIM EVERY DAY!!! I love that you also agree! I think, “I can have cereal for dinner; why can’t HE?” (Apparently because he’s a growing boy and they need “real food” which is exceedingly difficult since I don’t really cook)
Take care, I look forward to reading more!
Dog Bless,
Jy
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September 1st, 2015 at 1:14 pm
How funny! WHY MUST THEY ALWAYS EAT, lol? I’m in Northwest Arkansas. So glad you found me, and thanks for commenting!
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