Tag Archives: safety

Safety First

Husband: Don’t go outside, there’s a big copperhead on the porch.

Me: I’ve got a big stick.

Him: No wonder the house is such a mess.

Me: ?

Him: That’s a broom.

So there was this giant snake on our porch, and by giant I mean a normal-sized snake, but it was venomous and it crept right up behind the husband. We are a little freaked out, especially since we don’t know where it is now.

Then this morning some shit happened and I ended up having to walk down the dirt road to get home, about a mile or so, and somehow I ended up with a pen in my hand. No idea.

Please disregard my hair.

Please disregard my hair.

But I was a little lot nervous about the snake and of course bears and coyotes and stuff so I was glad I had the pen. Because I’d just write them a polite note and ask them not to kill me, please. Or give them an autograph right in the eyeball. I don’t know. But it made me feel a bit better.

Now I’m home safe and sound and I’ve got the doors locked so the snake can’t get in. Because we all know how well that works.

 


What? It still kind of seems like a good idea.

Conversation with my husband about glue traps:

*It might be helpful to know that the glue trap in question here is stuck facedown on my porch with a dead snake presumably still stuck on the other side.  Long story.  Suffice to say, I don’t like snakes in the house, and I make questionable decisions when under pressure.

Me:  It’s rained so much, we might be able to get that glue trap up.  But there’s still a snake under there, so…

Him:  That thing is never coming up.  I suggest we just paint over it.

Me:  Hm. (Not thrilled.)

Him:  We could just staple glue traps up, sticky side out, all over the outside of the house.  Paper the house in glue traps.

Me:  OH MY GOD! That would be good for spiders, snakes, ZOMBIES…..

Him:  (laughing)  That was a joke.

Me:   ….bees, Jehovah’s Witnesses….this is brilliant.

Him:  We’re not doing that.  You know that, right?

Me:  Hm.  (Not making any promises, mister.)

Later…..

Me:  I decided that you are right.  We shouldn’t cover the outside of the house with glue.

Him:  Uh, yeah, I thought we already decided that.

Me: (closing the cabinet door so he can see the glue trap taped to the door, and the bowl stuck on it, hanging in the air.)  No, we didn’t decide anything, but I’m a reasonable person.  I’ve thought about it, and it’s a bad idea.  (bowl hanging next to my face.)

Him:  Reasonable!?  It’s not “reasonable” when you only agree with yourself!

Me:  Hm.


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