Ode to that most frustrating creature, the teenager who would rather freeze his bits off than wear a goddamn coat.

Teenagers everywhere

Freezing off their derriers.

Wear a fucking coat

It’s wintertime you dolt.

They are impervious to the cold

Until they get so old

Hoodies are not jackets

I’ve tried every kind of racket.

They don’t even care

As long as they have good hair

They don’t give a shit

About being frost bit.

This mom is wearing layers

But her boys are being players

Put on a fucking coat!

You are not a fluffy mountain goat.

You are a boy who this mom loves

And she worries because you won’t wear gloves

So please for the love of God

Put a fucking jacket on.