Yes, I know it’s not Tuesday, but Search Term Tuesday just has a special ring to it.
Sometimes I like to look at the searches that lead people to my blog. People go to Google with serious questions, and Google sends them here where there are no answers. It is sometimes sad and always bizarre. Here are my top ten favorite searches.
1. Grandmother I’ve pissed myself on purpose – I’m trying to decide who peed. Did grandma pee? Are you trying to figure out how to tell grandma you peed? Commas are important, people.
2.Peeing on myself in the store – obviously, I need to stop talking about pee so much. Google apparently thinks I’ve cornered the market on accidents.
3. How husbands fuck a maid – I’m guessing the regular way? I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.
4. Walmart fight I’m next in line – We all know Walmart is a dangerous place.
5. I peed – And we’re back to the pee.
6. Crap my mom says – Now this actually makes a little sense. If it was one of my children.
7. I pick up hookers tee shirts – I PICKED UP ONE HOOKER! ONE!
8. Free sex stories of my mom fucked my pet snake – I don’t even.
9. I saw my husband fucking our maid and I did tell them – I feel like my maid story was not helpful to you. Again, my apologies.
10. Why Doberman hump strangers – A question for the ages. Actually, according to my commenters, it’s a dominance thing. You are that dog’s bitch.
What’s the weirdest place Google has led you? Have you ever searched for something just knowing the results were going to be awful? Do you think Grandma peed or what? Let’s not ever speak of the snake one, ever again.
We Don't Chew Glass 
October 17th, 2014 at 7:54 am
I’m not sure about grandma, but I just peed a few minutes ago if that helps.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:24 am
It does.
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October 17th, 2014 at 7:55 am
I LOVE search term Tuesday! I had no idea you talked about pee so much. I mostly get traffic from goat porn and chicken porn searches. It’s disturbing.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:24 am
Right? Do I *really* talk about pee that much? I had no idea.
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October 17th, 2014 at 8:13 am
WHY did it have to be SNAKES? That’s awesome. I am now forced to enjoy weird search terms vicariously through you nice people. Since they made everything all private, my search terms are kinda boring.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:25 am
I KNOW! SO GROSS. Most of my search terms are unknown, but I do get a few whoppers like these.
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October 17th, 2014 at 8:16 am
I want to know who was googling about the husband fucking the maid–is it the injured wife, torturing herself with the details? Is it the husband, who wants to confirm he’s doing it correctly, or following proper maid-fucking protocols? Or is it the maid, who wants the husband to fuck her, and is trying to figure out how to make that happen (or maybe she doesn’t want it, and she’s trying to figure out how to prevent it)? So many unanswered questions, and I know if I typed them into google, I’d just end up on your blog, so where does that leave me?
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:26 am
You’re fucked.
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October 17th, 2014 at 6:21 pm
ZING!
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October 17th, 2014 at 8:22 am
You guys get traffic!? 😱
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:26 am
Accidental traffic, as you can see.
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October 17th, 2014 at 9:06 am
That snake one. Just no, no, no.
I’m kinda tempted to do a like post of my own, but most of mine are downright scary. Hoo-boy.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:26 am
I’d like to see it. I think I’m doing this tagging thing wrong, or Google just likes to fuck with me.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:39 am
Most of the crazy ones disappeared when Google started concealing search terms, sadly. It looks like my post will be more about how amazingly spot on most my search results are. A few actually made me cheer. One in particular led to a post no longer on my site that it might just be time to repost. 🙂
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October 17th, 2014 at 9:23 am
So funny!
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:26 am
Thank you!
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October 17th, 2014 at 9:38 am
There was this photo of a beautiful skyline of some mystery city that featured a big tubular yellow building front and center. Somehow googling “giant yellow dildo building” did not get me anywhere near what I was looking for… and for the record, almost none of the results actually had dildos in them either.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:27 am
I would never be brave enough to type “dildo” into a search engine. Never ever.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:02 am
Wow, #8. WTF?
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:28 am
No kidding, right? That is so wrong, on so many levels.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:25 am
You seem to have cornered the pee market. I’m kinda jealous. I get people searching things like “penis cancer” and “achy assholes” and “pap smear photos”, and I’m like, man, what I wouldn’t give to see someone just searching for regular ol’ pee.
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October 17th, 2014 at 10:29 am
Apparently, if you want to read about pee, I’m your girl.
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October 17th, 2014 at 11:06 am
Clearly I need to work on my post titles…or maybe not. As if snakes all by themselves didn’t cause me nightmares…I’m already dreading sleep tonight…
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October 17th, 2014 at 1:54 pm
I know, right? WHERE DID THAT ONE COME FROM???
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October 17th, 2014 at 3:28 pm
I can never get my blog to cough up my search terms. I’m jealous.
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October 17th, 2014 at 6:08 pm
You can have mine. The one about the snake.
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October 17th, 2014 at 4:55 pm
My search terms ALWAYS have to do with “sticky panties” thanks to StickyFing’s guest post “the parting of the panty hamster.” SO MANY STICKY PANTIES SEARCHES.
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October 17th, 2014 at 6:08 pm
I feel like I’m a disappointment to those people.
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October 17th, 2014 at 7:39 pm
now im just searching off the wall shit to see where it takes me. ps image search of turtles in sweaters = adorable
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October 18th, 2014 at 10:43 am
You were the brave soul who searched butthole chakra for me. I don’t know that anything can scare you!
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October 20th, 2014 at 6:16 am
I’m so confused. Are you here, there, both?? Why???
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October 20th, 2014 at 6:17 am
Wrong post, thanks bloglovin… hahahaha Please disregard earlier comment. I haven’t finished my coffee yet.
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October 21st, 2014 at 10:32 am
I am also very confused. But I hope you enjoy your coffee nonetheless. 🙂
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October 21st, 2014 at 7:54 pm
Every time I read one of these posts, I get jealous that everyone has such weird and disturbing search terms and mine are so vanilla. Clearly I need to start writing freakier posts.
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October 23rd, 2014 at 10:06 am
I guess I write about pee a lot? *scratches head*
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