Today I went back to the cardiologist, where I learned that my heart is fine (yay!) and doctors are still unfunny.
Thing 1, though, thinks that he is very funny because while we were having lunch he somehow convinced me that shark tears do not have salt in them. I know. I am so bad at math. And geography. And zoology.
After we gorged ourselves and he mocked me about imaginary freshwater tears, we had a pretty enjoyable day with my Grandma.
Right up until this monsoon thing hit us at the grocery store. Here were Thing 1 and I, struggling like Dorothy and Toto to hold the cart and unload it into the car, and my Grandma just kind of blows past us and into another store. I think her shopping cart may have been pulling her at that point. The wind was blowing so hard that there was grit in my eyes, my mouth, and even in my shoes. A trashcan next to me blew away. And here’s my Gram, just shopping her little heart out. I guess if you’ve lived through a hurricane you don’t get flustered by much, but damn.
When we got home it was still pouring, so I hurried around the car to help her up the steps. And busted my ass. I mean, I went down so fast I don’t even know what happened but I do know it hurts like hell now. That woman is more spry than I am and she’s damned near 80 years old. I don’t even know what I was thinking.
Once we were at our house, I was trying to get everything put up, but as usual there were kids in my way.
Me: Would you move please?
Thing2: Why? Am I in your way?
Me: YES! I’d like to get this laundry put away before it melts.
Thing1: Hahahaha. You are insane.
And that reminds me of the other day.
Thing1: What do you even do around here?
I replied, “Oh, I just keep on keepin on.”
For some reason he requested that I stop talking after that.
Then he had the hiccups, so I, of course, said “bless you.”
T1: Whaaa?!
me: *blank stare*
T1: I think you just confused the hiccups out of me.
Husband: Awesome. We found your skill set.
And I can’t leave out Thing 3. Last night she came running in from bible school, obviously excited.
Me: What? Did you have fun?? *smiling*
T3: Did you know that DADDY had OTHER GIRLFRIENDS before you?????
Me: And this is what they are teaching you at vacation bible school?
T3: Lots of girlfriends. *giggles*
Now I need to go because there is chewed up paper towel all over my bed and I don’t even know whether to blame a child or a pet.
July 23rd, 2014 at 8:24 pm
PMSL !!!! Thank you for changing my thoughts from those of sadness at having to say goodbye to K in 9 sleeps time when she flies to NY to laughing at what your children said !!!
I hope your back is better soon – try having a bath with some epsom salts – it helps with the recovery of muscle soreness.
Me
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July 23rd, 2014 at 8:26 pm
Glad I could help! Thanks for the tip – I think that’s probably just what I need.
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July 23rd, 2014 at 8:38 pm
Just stumbled on your blog and love it. Thanks for sharing your stories. 🙂
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:29 am
Thank you for stopping by and I hope I haven’t scared you off forever, lol. 🙂
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July 23rd, 2014 at 10:25 pm
I can’t wait until your Things are writing their own blogs, it’s gonna be shit-your-pants funny around at your place!
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:30 am
Thing 1 plans on being a comedian and/or actor much to my chagrin since he’s genius-level smart. I bet he does it too, and then he can buy me a pool.
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July 24th, 2014 at 2:08 am
Hahahaha….your kids are hysterical.
And I am SO SO SO glad the heart tests came back good.
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:31 am
My kids are hysterical little shits.
I’m glad too…I’ve been stressing about it. Almost thought about quitting smoking.
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July 24th, 2014 at 4:31 am
That made me laugh so hard I nearly woke the household up. Hilarious!
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:31 am
Thanks! I’m ass backwards and my kids love to rub it in.
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July 24th, 2014 at 6:39 am
Turn them all against each other, see how long it takes before cannibalism ensues. 😀
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:33 am
Not long, I suspect. They eat SO MUCH.
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July 24th, 2014 at 7:49 am
You have the BEST family. Want to trade?
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:33 am
Oh, I have to keep them, what else would I blog about?
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July 24th, 2014 at 4:10 pm
You do tell on them so well. I’ll just have to admire from afar.
The alternative, of course, is that you adopt me…?
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July 24th, 2014 at 5:30 pm
Haha! Now that’s a possibility.
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:10 am
So glad your heart is good to go. 🙂
You have the greatest family, Steph.
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:34 am
Me too Merry.
They are okay, I guess. *snorts* They really like to make fun of me though. We laugh a lot, cause I’m an idiot, and they love it. 🙂
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July 24th, 2014 at 8:35 am
My daughter thinks I’m an idiot, too. 🙂
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July 24th, 2014 at 9:04 am
And I always thought bible school was dull. I guess I was out during Past Girlfriend Day.
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July 24th, 2014 at 10:58 am
Right?! I just heard that when they were supposed to be praying silently for someone else, she piped up with “My mommy has a headache.” Of course everyone thought that was hilarious, for various reasons. I’m wondering if the two things are related.
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July 24th, 2014 at 12:14 pm
Children say the funniest things – I love it!
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July 24th, 2014 at 1:20 pm
These children never stop talking, so I have a lot of material, lol.
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July 24th, 2014 at 1:27 pm
LOL at all of it. Love the kids wondering what we do. My youngest said a few weeks ago:
Her: I can’t FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out what it is you DO all day.
Me: Well. I pretty much just hang around painting my nails, reading, and fooling around on the computer and WHATEVER ELSE I FEEL LIKE, ALL DAY. While you’re at school.
Her: *nothing*
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July 24th, 2014 at 1:28 pm
bahahaha! That’ll teach her.
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July 24th, 2014 at 3:03 pm
Whoa…This just inspired a blog post– don’t you love it when that happens? :0)
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July 24th, 2014 at 5:30 pm
I do!
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July 24th, 2014 at 10:01 pm
LOTS of girlfriends. LOTS. Just think about that. GOOD NIGHT MOM!
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July 25th, 2014 at 8:21 am
I love you.
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July 27th, 2014 at 6:50 am
If that’s what they teach at Bible School I will definitely need to keep my kids at home. My husband was in the Navy….in San Diego….when he was 19….yeah, they don’t need to know about that.
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July 28th, 2014 at 2:53 pm
Ha! Yeah, I bet he has a lot of stories they don’t need to hear! We live in such a small town, I know each and every one of my husband’s stories – which is sometimes unfortunate, since he knows mine too, lol.
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