Tag Archives: falling

That Time My Kid Fell Out a Window

When Thing 2 was about 4 years old I made the mistake of putting his bed beneath a window.

A friend of mine was visiting along with her daughter, and we had left the kids inside while we went to look at my flowers. There were two older kids in charge, and the windows were open so we’d hear any screaming. Seemed legit.

I had a bench in the garden that faced the house. We could see the kids playing through the window. We could hear them laughing and talking. We could see Thing 2 press his face against the screen. That’s when we both leapt up and yelled NO!

It was too late. Down he went, ass over teakettle. Luckily, the window was only about four feet off the ground and the ground was soft dirt covered in leaves. So he was more scared than hurt. So was his mother.

When I was about 20 I got hit head on by a little old lady without a driver’s license. It was a similar feeling of seeing in slow motion this horrible thing and being unable to stop it.

Raising kids I feel like that a lot. Not to that extent, but just a vague sort of constant worry. What if, what if, what if? Then they go and do some normal everyday thing and break bones doing it. If you are reading this, children, yes I am referring to breaking bones while walking and while swinging on the monkey bars. Neither of those things did I ever worry about. I also never imagined my child would throw himself out of a window.

We all know that worry is pointless and bad for our health. But it is so hard to stop. My mom worried about us kids all the time, I’m sure. But I bet she never worried that my brother would break his nose by running into a 2 x 4. So worrying really is pointless. Our kids are never going to catch leprosy or whatever weird shit we’re stressing over. They’re going to do something stupid and fall out a window.

Have you ever seen something about to happen and been unable to stop it? Do you worry as much as I do? Do your kids do stupid shit?

Shark Tears and Other Lies

Today I went back to the cardiologist, where I learned that my heart is fine (yay!) and doctors are still unfunny.

Thing 1, though, thinks that he is very funny because while we were having lunch he somehow convinced me that shark tears do not have salt in them.  I know.  I am so bad at math.  And geography.  And zoology.

shark tears

After we gorged ourselves and he mocked me about imaginary freshwater tears, we had a pretty enjoyable day with my Grandma.

Right up until this monsoon thing hit us at the grocery store.  Here were Thing 1 and I, struggling like Dorothy and Toto to hold the cart and unload it into the car, and my Grandma just kind of blows past us and into another store.  I think her shopping cart may have been pulling her at that point.  The wind was blowing so hard that there was grit in my eyes, my mouth, and even in my shoes.  A trashcan next to me blew away.  And here’s my Gram, just shopping her little heart out.  I guess if you’ve lived through a hurricane you don’t get flustered by much, but damn.

When we got home it was still pouring, so I hurried around the car to help her up the steps.  And busted my ass.  I mean, I went down so fast I don’t even know what happened but I do know it hurts like hell now.  That woman is more spry than I am and she’s damned near 80 years old.  I don’t even know what I was thinking.

Once we were at our house, I was trying to get everything put up, but as usual there were kids in my way.

Me:  Would you move please?

Thing2:  Why? Am I in your way?

Me:  YES!  I’d like to get this laundry put away before it melts.

Thing1: Hahahaha. You are insane.


And that reminds me of the other day.

Thing1: What do you even do around here?

I replied, “Oh, I just keep on keepin on.”

For some reason he requested that I stop talking after that.


Then he had the hiccups, so I, of course, said “bless you.”

T1:  Whaaa?!

me: *blank stare*

T1:  I think you just confused the hiccups out of me.

Husband:  Awesome.  We found your skill set.


And I can’t leave out Thing 3.  Last night she came running in from bible school, obviously excited.

Me:  What?  Did you have fun?? *smiling*

T3:  Did you know that DADDY had OTHER GIRLFRIENDS before you?????

Me:  And this is what they are teaching you at vacation bible school?

T3:  Lots of girlfriends.  *giggles*


Now I need to go because there is chewed up paper towel all over my bed and I don’t even know whether to blame a child or a pet.

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