Confession time: Little kids freak me out.
Not my own kids! My kids are not freaky at all. But scary kids, like in movies? I can’t stand them. I don’t know why, but a creepy little person is 100 times scarier to me than a zombie, a serial killer, a ghost, or even a snake.
It might be the whole can’t-defend-yourself-because-you-don’t-want-to-hurt-a-kid thing. I’m not sure. (Also, I could totally kick a kid’s ass if I had to. Don’t test me.)
Anyway, it’s rainy and yucky outside and some little shits have been prank calling me all day.
I’ve tried to laugh it off. Ha ha! Little bastards.
Them: What do you call a scary dream about a horse?
Me: *confused* What?
Them: A NIGHTMARE! HAhahahaha, heehehehehe, hahahaha. (Maniacal child laughter. There had to be at least 10 of them.)
Me: *still a bit confused* WHAT??
Me: *shakes head* Ha, silly kids, just having fun, ha ha ha.
*staring at phone* OH MY GOD THEY SAID NIGHTMARE.
*still staring at phone* Don’t be silly, just kids, ha-ha.
*looking for weapon* ARE THE DOORS LOCKED? OH, SHIT. I hate kids.*
A little later…
THEM: *In a freakishly terrifying and childish voice* Can I sing you a song?
Me: What? No. NO. Who. Is. This?!
Them: We just want to make your day! Wanna hear a song?
So there you have it. I have barricaded us in the house and no one is allowed to answer the phone. The only way this could get worse is if they called and asked if I was in the house alone. WHICH I’M NOT.
And now I’ve scared myself. Awesome.
March 28th, 2014 at 5:37 pm
That’s it. You’re doomed.
I think you’ve been targeted by the Mittens McMully gang.
I only hope they don’t bring the silly string.
The horror…the horror…
March 28th, 2014 at 6:14 pm
Kids, small animals, the elderly…you’re right. I’m doomed!
March 28th, 2014 at 7:23 pm
Why are you answering calls from unrecognized numbers? STRANGER DANGER!!
March 28th, 2014 at 7:48 pm
I didn’t want the little hellions to think no one was home. Totally backfired. Now they know I’m here, but also whimpering in the corner.
March 28th, 2014 at 7:48 pm
Time to get out the machete.
March 29th, 2014 at 1:22 pm
Remember the scene in Night of the Living Dead when the zombie kid killed her parents with a trowel?
Well, anyway, sweet dreams!
March 29th, 2014 at 7:57 pm
I am so glad we are friends.
I may never sleep again.
March 30th, 2014 at 7:48 am
I’m here for you.
BTW: Did you ever see Children of the Corn?
March 30th, 2014 at 9:38 am
No, I did not, but I heard it while covering my eyes with a blanket.
March 29th, 2014 at 7:51 pm
March 29th, 2014 at 8:10 pm
March 30th, 2014 at 10:42 am
You know what is scarier than little kids? Little kids singing. Scariest part in The Birds, those damn kids singing that freaky ass song. By the way, I ranked your scary things list: 1. Zombies 2. Children 3. Ghosts 4. Serial Killer 5. Snake (but I am not scared of snakes and wouldn’t have even had them on the list).
March 30th, 2014 at 10:51 am
See, zombies would be last on my list because I feel like I have the best chance of defeating them. It’s possible that I am over estimating my zombie fighting skills.
March 30th, 2014 at 11:16 am
They scare me most because they represent losing your identity. And one bite or cut will turn you into one. Unlike vampires they can walk in daylight and unlike werewolves they are always zombies, not just once per month. So scary!
March 30th, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Some movies you may NOT want to watch: The Ring, Pet Sematary, The Grudge, The Shining….oh, and let’s not forget The Omen (so creepy!)
The reason that little kids are so scary is because they can LOOK so angelic…but then they can turn in a matter of seconds into conniving, calculating killers!
Run, Steph! Run for your life!
March 30th, 2014 at 8:13 pm
I have unfortunately seen most of those–through my fingers, of course.
March 30th, 2014 at 8:06 pm
CHILDREN OF THE CORN. Yes, little kids can be the creepiest of freaks. That photo up top is horrifying. And wassup with the prank calls? That’s never happened to me. Did you know who it was? GRRRR. That would’ve annoyed me.
March 30th, 2014 at 8:15 pm
No idea who it was, but it sounded like there were a lot of them. They probably weren’t even trying to scare me! Little buttholes.
April 2nd, 2014 at 10:46 am
I remember the days of prank phone calls….back when people still had home phones. This was funny! Thank you for my giggle for the day.
April 2nd, 2014 at 12:43 pm
Me too. It’s probably karma! You’re welcome and thanks for reading!
April 3rd, 2014 at 3:59 am
Kids are always the creepiest in scary movies! There’s one I’m trying to think of and of course now I can’t and scary movies are my favorite. *face palm*
April 3rd, 2014 at 10:48 am
Ha! I wouldn’t watch it anyway. I always question my husband intensely before any scary movie to make sure there aren’t any kids in it. Then if there are, he claims he forgot. Likely story.
April 4th, 2014 at 2:33 am
Just came over from Aussa’s blog… and I’m glad I did. This is HILARIOUS! And yes, creepy kids in films are always the worst. The twins from The Shining traumatised me for YEARS!
April 4th, 2014 at 7:04 am
Oh, that Aussa! I’m glad you did too, and thank you! I’m trying to remember the first scary movie I saw with kids in it…I vaguely remember cowering under a pillow at about age 9 while hearing, “One, two, I’m coming for you…”
April 4th, 2014 at 7:29 am
Hahahaha YES creepy kids are so much scarier than any serial killer!!! Anna sleepwalks sometimes and totally freaks me out. Be careful this week – stay in touch haha
April 4th, 2014 at 7:36 am
Mine too! Thing 2 sleep walks and it is sooooo creepy. His eyes will be open and he talks nonsense and just generally scares me to death, then gets back in bed and never remembers any of it.
April 4th, 2014 at 7:37 am
ExACTly. Same at my house. Then I’m awake for another half hour or more : /
April 19th, 2014 at 2:44 pm
I love it! I am scared of precisely three things, and creepy kids are top of the list (ahead of creepy old people in horror movies, and dead birds (in case they become zombie birds – don’t ask unless you want to be creeped out)
April 19th, 2014 at 5:16 pm
Ohhhh, creepy old people! Yes. Zombie birds I have never considered, but that sounds terrifying!
April 19th, 2014 at 2:46 pm
[…] I Won’t Run From a Six-Year-Old. (Cause they are fast as hell.). […]
April 12th, 2016 at 12:23 pm
The only thing scarier than kids or clowns are kids dressed as clowns. Freaks me the hell out
May 6th, 2016 at 6:23 am
Omg, I hadn’t thought of that. Eeek!
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