Tag Archives: crafts

I’m Pretty Sure Pinterest Wants Me Dead.

I love Pinterest.  I’m not even going to estimate how much of my life I’ve wasted spent on pinning.  Just now, I was doing some research for this post, and I almost got sucked in.  Watch yourselves, people.  Pinterest is almost as dangerous as Twitter, or even Candy Crush.



I love the projects and ideas I’ve found there and I’ve made a ton of stuff successfully.  But I’ve come to realize that just because somebody pinned something, doesn’t mean it is a good idea. There’s a really funny website called Pinterest, You Are Drunk and there are all sorts of fails and just funny shit that I don’t know why anyone would ever make in the first place…



Slippers made of MAXI PADS??  Seriously?  Who does that? But that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about craft ideas that seem totally legit…until you are on fire and you’ve used the fire extinguisher for a different project, so you’re just fucked.



Anyway, Pinterest does not always know best.  I hardly ever click through and go to the page where the pin originated and maybe that’s my problem, because then I could tell if it came from a reputable source, like Martha Stewart, or if it was just some criminal sharing bad ideas.

So, here’s one I tried.  The idea was to put plastic beads into a pie pan and bake until they melted, making a sun catcher.  Just my style – easy.  Only one problem.  I’m not sure plastic beads were made for the oven.  It was like I said, “Hey kids, let’s inhale a bunch of burnt plastic and see what happens.”  The smoke detector went off, we all had headaches, and none of us could take a breath without gagging.  And my damned sun catcher looked like this:

Not what I was going for.

Not what I was going for.

Another idea I got from Pinterest was to put coffee beans in a pretty bowl with a vanilla candle in the center, which sounded like it would smell ah-mazing.  Either I didn’t read the instructions (possible) or there weren’t any, cause this is what I got:

I put the fire out quickly, but those beans were burning.

I put the fire out quickly, but those beans were burning.

Then there was the Fairy Glitter Jar.  Supposedly, mixing a glow stick, glitter, and some other stuff I can’t remember, would produce this:

Nope.  This is not what happened.

Nope. This is not what happened.

I ended up with a jar of what looked like unusually thick, speckled urine.  My Fairy Princess was not impressed.  Although my fairy glitter was not a success, I did try another glow stick experiment for a party my teenage son was having.  It was supposed to make glowing bubbles.  I don’t have a picture, because it was dark and THEY DIDN’T GLOW.  But here’s a picture similar to what my kid and his friends thought of it:

Yeah.  Super impressed.

Yeah. Super impressed.

I’ve got a lot of other cool stuff I want to try, but my husband is really unreasonable and won’t let me have the tools I need.  I don’t know what he thinks is going to happen.  I mean, how much damage could I possibly do with a blow torch?

Crafting by the seat of my pants.

So I like to get crafty.  In some areas of my life I’ve been told I can be a little OCD, but not when I’m making something.  I love using found items, because I’m super cheap.

Example:  I just took my son shopping.  He wouldn’t get out of the car.  I said, “I’m buying YOU clothes, come on.”  He looks around suspiciously and says, “Is this a thrift store?”  (It was not.  It was a going out of business sale.  Everything was 70% off!)

Right now my obsession is painting old, crappy furniture so that it looks like old, crappy furniture.  But I keep forgetting to take “before” pictures, so I show people and they’re like, “Great!  What are you going to do with that?”  and I’m all, “Um, I already did it.  Asshole.”

But don’t get excited.  This isn’t that kind of blog.  I’ll never be able to do one of those tutorials because:

a. I’m very forgetful (see above about the pictures.  Also, I was just repainting a bookshelf with only three shelves.  I’d paint, go to dip my brush, and forget which shelf I was on.)

b. I don’t do anything the right way.  For instance, I’m painting this bookshelf.  I’m using house paint, because I found it and therefore it was free.  I’m using tiny paint brushes my son got with an art set for Christmas approximately three years ago.  I don’t sand anything.  I barely even wiped it off before I got started.  I was ready to paint, dammit!

c.  I am currently in the middle of about 15 projects.  Seriously.  My tutorial would go something  like, “You will need 25 river rocks all the same size and shape, 5 skeins green yarn (used), some white vinegar, and….oh to hell with this, I can’t find my glue gun.”

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