Things are getting back to normal here in my neck of the woods. By “normal”, I mean that the kids are wise cracking and the cat is showing her contempt for us all by shitting in the floor next to the litter box. Life is good, if a bit smelly.
Thing 3: Momma, I love you and you make the best food ever.
Thing 1: Mom, I love you, but that’s a little extreme. Let’s not go overboard here.
*dying elephant sounds coming from bedroom at 9 pm*
Thing 2: What? I need to practice.
Me: *Facepalm* I’m so glad we bought that trombone. So, so glad.
Me: Wow, I just spent 5o bucks at the drug store.
Thing 2: There goes 50 dollars you could’ve spent on a video game.
He’s all up in my business trying to get me to cave on my No-Grand-Theft-Auto-Rule. I don’t think he understood my laughter, but I just found it hilarious that he wanted me to spend my money on digital hookers and blow and I spent it on real drugs instead.
Thing 3: Let’s pretend I have a pecker.
After I got done dying, I realized that the word she really wanted was “beak” because she was pretending to be a chicken, not a boy.
Peckers, beaks, whatever.
Does your family drive you crazy crack you up? What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a kid say? Have you ever pretended to have a pecker? Don’t answer that last one.
We Don't Chew Glass 
September 18th, 2014 at 9:21 am
I could use a pecker at work. It seems to work out nicely for the people who have them.
And HAHAHAHA…I love this segment. I always look forward to shit your family says.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 9:31 am
Right?? Lol.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 9:34 am
Most recent shit…
Me: You are as cold as a refrigerator
Son: You are an oven
Me: Since we are both appliances shouldn’t we get up and get to work?
Son: Don’t be silly Mum, the breaker is off
And, I wish I had a pecker every time we go camping…
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 9:45 am
Hahaha! That’s a good one. I’m going to use that. And ohhhh, me too. Men have it so easy.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 9:58 am
No great comments lately, but my 13 year old wrote a letter to us having a fit about not being allowed to receive a book she won online due to her grades and lack of turning in homework. I learned that “even killers get books”. and “what if a guy robbed a bank and got the max punishment? would the cops say “I don’t care about fair”?” Shockingly, her examples did not get her the book she wants so bad. I did ruin her life by posting a picture of the letter on facebook though, so there is that
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 8:59 pm
Oh my gosh, you have a future lawyer on your hands, huh? Have fun with that, lol!!
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 10:34 am
You’re back with funnies! Lovely. This week was my birthday and I got “wow mom, who knew you were that old”. Which cracked my husband up since he’s 13 years older than I am and constantly teased me about being 3 when he went to see Star Wars in the movie theater as a teenager! For the record, I am celebrating the 12th anniversary of my 29th birthday- and I had to use a calculator to get that number.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Haha! Happy 29th Birthday!
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 10:56 am
Can we get a calendar called “Shit My Family says” with quotes from your crew? I for one would buy the shit out of that.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 7:53 pm
Sign me up for a few of those, great gift idea!
LikeLiked by 1 person
September 20th, 2014 at 9:01 pm
That is the best idea I think I’ve ever heard. But I’m kind of lazy so it’ll probably be like 2040 before I get on that.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 11:17 am
ROFL Pecker! PS grand theft auto would teach your children the value of moneyyyy. and road rage.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:02 pm
Lol. Remind me to not let you and Cory babysit. I see that not going in my favor.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 11:25 am
Oh, Steph, I’m so glad you’re back! Love the pecker comment by Thing 3.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:02 pm
Thank you! She’s a doll, but man is she a mess, lol.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 1:15 pm
Last weekend we were watching the Michigan football game and the announcer said, “And Michigan calls a time out.”
Baby C said, “I don’t want a time out.”
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:03 pm
I love that! So funny. I don’t want a time out either, kiddo.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 1:38 pm
My son (13), learning that “I’m so Fancy” is by Iggy Azalea: “Oh, that’s what IGGY means, then.”
My daughter (15): “What did you think it meant?”
My son: “I got game, yo!”
Glad things are back to normal for you!
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:03 pm
Bahahahaha! I got game yo! That’s hilarious.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 3:29 pm
I. am. dying.
(p.s. I used to purposely wrap my boobs and wear super loose clothing to see if I could pass as a guy. Now I’m considering buying one of those pee-standing-up for women devices.)
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:03 pm
Let me know how that works out for you, k?
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 4:28 pm
SO FUNNY, BUT THE BEST IS THAT YOU “WASTED” 50 BUCKS AT THE PHARMACY ON REAL DRUGS WHEN YOU COULD HAVE DIGITAL DRUGS, PROSTITUTION AND SO MUCH MORE SEEDINESS WITH THE VIDEO GAME. HOW CAN YOU PASS UP THAT BARGAIN?
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:04 pm
Right? I don’t know where my priorities are sometimes.
LikeLike
September 18th, 2014 at 7:47 pm
I would love to have a pecker so I could pee standing up and get half of it on the floor.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:04 pm
HAHAHAHA! Right?! God, they are so gross. Men I mean, not peckers. I’m going to just stop now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
September 18th, 2014 at 7:54 pm
I tried pretending I had a pecker…wound up with 4 kids….
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:05 pm
LOL! You must have a very vivid *ahem* imagination.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Not to mention a very fertile Queen, I swear the first time we were just sitting on the couch next to each other!
LikeLiked by 1 person
September 20th, 2014 at 9:19 pm
LMAO!
LikeLike
September 19th, 2014 at 2:03 pm
“He wanted me to spend my money on digital hookers and blow.”
Bwahahahaha!
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:05 pm
I’m beginning to think I made the wrong decision, lol.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 6:10 am
I’m glad you’re back and feeling better. Selfishly, I need more of these “Shit My Family Says” (and your observations about them) in my life!
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:06 pm
Thank you, dear. I need more of them too. 🙂
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 8:44 pm
The irony about the drugs is a great observation! Haha. And BTW my cat shares yr cat’s contempt.
LikeLike
September 20th, 2014 at 9:07 pm
Damn those cats. What the hell is UP with that? I feel like I’m being called out every time I find a pile RIGHT NEXT TO THE LITTER BOX.
LikeLike
September 22nd, 2014 at 8:06 pm
I feel your pain regarding passive-aggressive kitties. I have two – and someone was peeing on the bathmats in the middle of the night. I decided to separate them, to see if I could figure out who was doing the deed. However, they are wily and there was nary an accident in the four nights I kept them apart. As soon as they were back together, the peeing started up again. They are in cahoots….kitty cahoots.
LikeLike
September 24th, 2014 at 7:43 am
Kitty cahoots are the worst! And why do they only puke on the things that we love? My house has hardwood flooring and just a few carpets. Where do the devious dipshits puke? That’s right, only on my carpets!
LikeLike
September 26th, 2014 at 4:48 am
I am soooo glad you’re back! Thank you for making my Friday 645am so much fun!
LikeLike
September 26th, 2014 at 5:30 am
Well thank YOU for making my 6:29 a.m. so nice!
LikeLike