Me: *referring to Thing 2* He’s like an accident waiting to happen.
Thing 1: Him? No, he’s an accident that already happened.
Thing 3: So can I live with you forever, even when I’m a grownup?
Me: Erm, yeah, I guess so.
Thing 3: Good. And even when I have kids?
Thing 3: Okay. And can I make my babies here?
Thing 3: Why did you close your eyes?
Husband: Sorry for being a pain in the ass.
Me: It’s okay.
Him: You always say okay. You never say, “You’re not a pain.”
Me: Yeah. Cause it’s okay.
Thing 2, having a nosebleed: I don’t think it’s healthy for this much blood to be coming out of my face.
Me: I don’t think it’s healthy for any blood to be coming out of your face.
And here are some things I found written in my notebook, in my handwriting. Weird.
1. FFS, HCB, YRAFI
2. This shit is reasonable.
3. I know that this feeling of dread that is SMOTHERING me is completely unreasonable.
4. I appreciate that, sociopath.
5. Do you mean hard to love?
6. You don’t want sperm on your laptop.
What’s the silliest thing you’ve heard lately? Is your family as crazy as mine? Do you write yourself notes and then not remember what you were talking about?