I’m going for my stress echocardiogram tomorrow and ironically enough, I’m a little stressed about it. So to cheer me up I compiled some more tidbits from my goofy, hilarious, ridiculous, favorite family.
Thing 1: It’s Wi-Five.
Thing 2: A high five over the internet!
Husband: Do you want to wear my hat?
Thing 3: No thank you, it still smells like beef.
Me: I either drop my phone or spill my coffee or drop my lighter…Jesus Christ.
Husband: You need a fanny pack. You can just wear it around here and I won’t tell anyone.
Me: *Laughing*
Husband: Are you laughing because you know I’m lying?
Me: You know I hate it when you twerk.
Thing1: This booty brings home the dough.
Thing2: I thought you said, “this booty brings home the dope.”
Me: That booty better not be bringing anything anywhere.
Thing 1, directing traffic at a small concert, texting husband:
There are pigs fighting in a cage on a trailer. What do I do?
Nevermind.
A guy came with a prod.
There’s a lady screaming animal abuse.
They are leaving.
The following is a list of things I heard Thing 2 saying while he played Minecraft with his friends. Note the difference between what I heard and what he actually said. After each of these I yelled, “HEY! What are you talking about in there?” Or “WATCH YOUR MOUTH!” and then was informed that I am crazy and he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
What I heard: EFF IT!
What he actually said: EPIC!
What I heard: Did you take all the weed?
What he actually said: Did you take all the wheat?
What I heard: Did you smoke it all?
What he said: Did you smelt it all?
What I heard: Someone’s been stomping on my crotch and I don’t like it.
What he said: Someone’s been stomping on my crops and I don’t like it.
What I heard: Where’s the stripper?
What he said: Where’s the spider?
We Don't Chew Glass 
July 14th, 2014 at 5:29 pm
HAHAHAH…I laughed..I read them to hubs..he laughed.
Good luck tomorrow, sister. Please be well.
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July 14th, 2014 at 5:42 pm
HA! I love that my daughter thinks my husband’s hat smells like beef. What the ever loving fuck??
Thanks, I’m sure I will. 🙂
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July 14th, 2014 at 5:33 pm
If you read all Thing 2s Minecraft lines in a row it’s easy to see why you might have a minor conniption. Best you post photos of the fanny pack, lots of blog-fodder right there Steph.
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July 14th, 2014 at 5:43 pm
He said that I could even wear it open like a kangaroo pouch. I’m sure if that day ever comes, he will take pictures, lol.
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July 14th, 2014 at 5:51 pm
Oh, I love it when kids are as witty and twisted as we are! What would we do if they weren’t there to make us smile? “This booty brings home the dough?” Priceless! *Gives Steph a Wi-five*
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July 14th, 2014 at 5:52 pm
Lol! wi-five back atcha!
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July 14th, 2014 at 6:06 pm
See you at the ear doctor tomorrow (I know what I heard, but my family swears that’s not what they said either).
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July 14th, 2014 at 7:05 pm
BAHAHAHA! See you there, lol!
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July 14th, 2014 at 6:11 pm
The things our kids say. Love this. Good luck tomorrow.
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July 14th, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Thanks Laura!
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July 14th, 2014 at 7:06 pm
Sounds about like what I hear my son saying during Minecraft. I think it’s a conspiracy.
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July 14th, 2014 at 7:28 pm
Ha! I bet you’re right.
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July 15th, 2014 at 5:35 am
Hope tomorrow goes well for you.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:39 am
Thanks Merry!
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July 15th, 2014 at 7:58 am
I’m stealing Wi-Five.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:39 am
Lol. The kids will be so proud. My oldest was cracking up at himself when he read this.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:42 am
Woohoo!! Wi-Five!!
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:45 am
Wi-five!
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July 15th, 2014 at 10:25 am
Your twerking Things are fantastic.
But how does one make a hat smell like beef? I’d pay good money for a beef-smelling hat.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:40 am
Thanks. and I have NO IDEA. We don’t know where she came up with that…but the first time she said it was at school in front of the teacher and all the other parents.
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July 16th, 2014 at 8:07 am
Well, how else are they going to road test new comic material?
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July 15th, 2014 at 11:38 am
Great stuff! I needed that laugh. BTW, thinking about you today and sending you a Wi-Five!
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:41 am
Thank you and wi-five to you too, lol!
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July 15th, 2014 at 12:15 pm
Those are great! Thinking about you and sending a Wi-Five. And I hope nobody stomps on your crotch.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:44 am
Wi-five! Lol. And thanks, the crotch was fine, probably due to your good wishes.
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July 15th, 2014 at 8:20 pm
Hey, if your kid’s booty can bring home a little dough, maybe you can get yourself that sweet fanny pack.
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:46 am
HA! I hadn’t thought of that! Lol. Sweet fanny pack.
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July 15th, 2014 at 9:43 pm
LOL – I love them !
Have the best day and keep those weeds and crotch out of trouble !
Me
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July 16th, 2014 at 7:47 am
Thanks! I think everyone did okay, weeds and crotches included.
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July 17th, 2014 at 5:03 pm
Wi-five is genius. And I’d be even more impressed if your husband’s hat smelled like bacon. 🙂
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July 18th, 2014 at 5:29 pm
Seriously, he needs to get on that.
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July 17th, 2014 at 7:52 pm
Hilarious. My, oh, my, how x-rated Minecraft has become.
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July 18th, 2014 at 5:30 pm
In my mind, anyways, lol.
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July 21st, 2014 at 12:48 pm
LOL! Thank you for sharing this and glad to hear that all went well!
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July 22nd, 2014 at 9:47 am
You’re so welcome and thank you!
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