I’m going for my stress echocardiogram tomorrow and ironically enough, I’m a little stressed about it. So to cheer me up I compiled some more tidbits from my goofy, hilarious, ridiculous, favorite family.
Thing 1: It’s Wi-Five.
Thing 2: A high five over the internet!
Husband: Do you want to wear my hat?
Thing 3: No thank you, it still smells like beef.
Me: I either drop my phone or spill my coffee or drop my lighter…Jesus Christ.
Husband: You need a fanny pack. You can just wear it around here and I won’t tell anyone.
Husband: Are you laughing because you know I’m lying?
Me: You know I hate it when you twerk.
Thing1: This booty brings home the dough.
Thing2: I thought you said, “this booty brings home the dope.”
Me: That booty better not be bringing anything anywhere.
Thing 1, directing traffic at a small concert, texting husband:
There are pigs fighting in a cage on a trailer. What do I do?
A guy came with a prod.
There’s a lady screaming animal abuse.
They are leaving.
The following is a list of things I heard Thing 2 saying while he played Minecraft with his friends. Note the difference between what I heard and what he actually said. After each of these I yelled, “HEY! What are you talking about in there?” Or “WATCH YOUR MOUTH!” and then was informed that I am crazy and he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
What I heard: EFF IT!
What he actually said: EPIC!
What I heard: Did you take all the weed?
What he actually said: Did you take all the wheat?
What I heard: Did you smoke it all?
What he said: Did you smelt it all?
What I heard: Someone’s been stomping on my crotch and I don’t like it.
What he said: Someone’s been stomping on my crops and I don’t like it.
What I heard: Where’s the stripper?
What he said: Where’s the spider?