I sleep with a white noise machine. I used to use a big box fan, but my husband would get pissy when I would point it at him because I didn’t want to be fanned, I just wanted to hear it fanning.
“White Noise” is what the machine is set to, because I’m afraid “Rain Forest” would make me wet the bed, and I’m a grown-ass woman.
I have to pee now just looking at that.
The noise machine is on a timer and shuts off after an hour. Sometimes (a lot of times) it takes me longer than that to fall asleep. After I’ve reset it two or three times, the “white noise” starts sounding different, like a beat, or words, or just sounds being repeated over and over instead of just the shhhhhhhhhh sound it is supposed to be making.
Today my husband and I were lazing in bed ( it was an extremely rare quiet moment in this madhouse) and he asked if I’d ever seen the movie “White Noise.”
Me: Yes! The one with the TVs. Creepy!
Him: I can’t believe that sound helps you sleep. (Probably thinking about last week when he left REDRUM on the bathroom mirror in steam, and when I got out of the shower I screamed and ran outside and wouldn’t go back in. This is why we live in the middle of nowhere. Because he’s an ass, and I often panic before I’m even dressed.)
Me: I know. And it’s weird how it changes. The other night it was saying something over and over.
Me: I don’t know, just words. It was something with a “D,” maybe de-code, de-luge, Den-ver. I don’t remember.
Me: What? It’s like when you are surrounded by chickens and it sounds like they are all saying your name.
Him: *Snort* That has only ever happened to you.
Me: What? No.
Me: Really? That’s just me?
Him: Falls asleep laughing while I lie there and try to force the crazy voice inside the noise maker to communicate with me again. It didn’t work.
Note: My family used to raise chickens. I seriously wore headphones and carried my Walkman (yes, Walkman) because thousands of chickens all buck-buck-bawk-bawking at the same time would somehow coalesce into “Steph. Stephanie. Steph.” And that is really fucking creepy.
I refuse to believe I’m the only one this happens to. I’m not that crazy.