We Don't Chew Glass

I saw this on FB yesterday and decided it was a must-do.  Turns out, I’m not an asshole.
I’m an introvert.  Take the quiz, maybe you’re not an asshole either!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Not sure if you’re an innie or an outie?  See if any of these
23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Yes.  But I thought I was just not that friendly.

2. You go to parties – but not to meet people.

Why on earth would I want to talk to strangers?  If I go to a party it’s because someone
talked me into it, probably using words like “free beer.”

3. You often feel alone in a crowd.

I often feel like I need to get away from crowds.

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.

Because it is phony.

5. You’ve been called “too intense.”

Not to my face.

6. You’re easily distracted.

Considering I’m supposed to be doing my real job right now,
I’d say that’s a yes.

7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.

What is this “downtime” you speak of?

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people
afterwards.

I guess so.  Both sound super sucky.

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench – not in the middle.

Supposing I ever decided to ride a giant speeding train propelled through tunnels underground by God knows what power, yes, I guess I probably would sit at the end of the bench.  I like to have an exit handy.  Just in case.

10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.

Oh yeah.  It takes me a full day to recover after a trip to the grocery store.

11. You’re in a relationship with an extrovert.

He’s crazy.  Don’t listen to anything he tells you.

12. You’d rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.

I dunno….I like to be good at things….this one’s too hard.  Pass.

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.  Doesn’t everyone?

14. You screen all your calls — even from friends.

Sorry, guys.  Read the article.  I’m not an asshole.  It’s a syndrome, or something.

15. You notice details that others don’t.

Huh?

16. You have a constantly running interior monologue.

I like to hear myself think.

17. You have low blood pressure.

Yes.  My blood pressure is super chill.

18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.

Again, not to my face.

19. You don’t feel “high” from your surroundings

Do people actually do this? I thought that’s why we all partied so much in our 20s?

20. You look at the big picture.

I look at all the pictures.

21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”

I’ve been trying to tell people that I’m shy for years.  No one listens.

22. You’re a writer.

That seems a little extreme.

23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

**This is where I stopped.  I feel like you’re prying.  Please stop asking me these questions, or I’m going to have to go home.

***I would never actually say that to someone.  (Because I’d already be in the car.)