My Daughter, The Ferret.

We have a ferret. If you know anything about ferrets, you know they are notorious for stealing things and hiding them. The last time we moved our bed, when we picked up the box spring we discovered a hidey-hole. The little bastard had torn open the fabric and filled the inside with all sorts of random items. Mostly red things, because for some reason our ferret hates anything red.

My daughter is 7. It’s possible that she thinks she is a ferret. Or maybe she’s just weird. It does run in the family.

She started hiding things a few years ago. This was the first thing I found where it didn’t belong:

hiding puppy

 

You can imagine my surprise when I wanted a pot and found eyeballs instead. It was traumatizing, and not just because I jumped back and fell on my ass.

 

 

This child squirrels away the strangest things, in the oddest places.

 

She’s hidden Easter eggs under my pillow. Actually, they were Easter eggs and Silly Putty eggs, which I did not discover until the next morning when I woke up with Silly Putty everywhere. There are still suspicious-looking stains on my comforter.

 

She puts acorns in the clean laundry.

 

When anything goes missing, we know who to ask. It drives my husband crazy, because two of her favorite things to hide are his hat and the TV remote.

 

She really likes sticking things in the spice rack, and when I went to take a picture of the pinecone that was there last week, I found this instead:

20160229_072047

Please excuse my dust.

 

I recently found an unmatched pair of my dirty socks, which had been filled with dozens of My Little Ponies and stuffed under her bed.

 

This cabinet is at the end of the hallway, and is one of her favorite spots to hide things:

20160229_072442

The elusive pinecone.

There is, or there was yesterday, a nearly empty bottle of water, two fake mustaches, a notepad, Christmas candy shaped like diamonds, a pinecone, bubble wrap, a jewelry box full of pennies, a flashlight, and a strip of animal-print fabric. Just the necessities.

 

Below is her diary, carefully placed in the bottom of a drawer in my bathroom.

20160229_072659

 

There is one thing we take turns hiding. She puts it in my pillowcase, under my blanket, in my underwear drawer, in my shoe, or on my shoulder.

 

I put it in the very bottom of toy boxes, up high where (presumably) she can’t reach it, and in boxes marked “yard sale.”

20160229_072221

 

The next time I find this one, no doubt when I’m least expecting it, I’ll be hiding it in the damn trashcan.

About Steph

I like words. I suspect I would like sanity, but I really have no way of knowing. I can be reasonable, but not often. View all posts by Steph

19 responses to “My Daughter, The Ferret.

  • larva225

    You win. My son just squirrels things away in his bed. That’s all on – or under – him.

  • heylookawriterfellow

    Be thankful it isn’t a stuffed snake.

    Clearly, my friend, you need to up you’re hiding game. Have you considered hiding the entire contents of your daughter’s room during the school day? Some may call this revenge, but I think you can chalk it up as quality time with the kids.

  • aviets

    At our house it’s my husband who hides bizarre things in bizarre places. We’ve had a set of “communist leaders of Russia” metrushka dolls in our kitchen cabinet for years – because once it got there it was so weird it just had to stay. And that’s just one example!

    • Steph

      My husband kind of does that too. He puts things places and just hopes I don’t notice. He’s got a real hang up for light switch covers. He’ll find one at a thrift store or somewhere, come home, install it, and three days later I’ll be like, “Where the fuck did this come from? WHY is there a clown with balloons in my hallway?” But they stay too. Lol. We’re just a weird bunch, I guess!

  • Bradley

    While you probably find this frustrating, I found it hilarious. Of course, I don’t have to deal with finding my things every day. I think if you’d jump in and join the game it could turn out to be great fun for both of you. Then again, I know nothing about parenting.

    • Steph

      It is funny to me–I laugh every time I see something in an odd place (except the spider) but it’s never occurred to ME to hide things. I think this is an excellent idea, and I can’t wait to see her face when she finds something! Thanks!

  • Michelle

    Hahhaha…my son used to freeze things. All kinds of things. It was not uncommon to find army men in the ice cube trays.

  • ghostmmnc

    Sounds like a fun game of treasure hunt! But then I don’t like my things to go missing. Finding odd items in strange places, though, would be funny! My daughter would put canned goods in the toy box. So, if I wanted say peas, I knew where to look! 🙂

  • Spoken Like A True Nut

    My husband and I are great at the hiding part of this, but not so much at the finding bit. I have no idea how so many random things can go missing in such a small apartment. I can only conclude that the building itself has figured out a way to eat anything we leave somewhere it doesn’t belong.

    Or else we have a ninja ferret living with us.

    I can’t decide which is worse.

    • Steph

      Having an actual ferret, I would have to say the Ninja Ferret would be worse. They are so SNEAKY! On the other hand, if your actual apartment were eating things…that’s a whole other level of creepy, lol.

  • Just Plain Ol' Vic

    So….my daughter isn’t a slob, she is just squirreling away things under he bed and all over the floor?!

    😉

  • Jana

    I never had this problem – with a child. Usually I am the one that puts things where they don’t belong (without realizing it) – and then I’m always frustrated when I can’t find it or surprised when I do.

    • Steph

      HA! I guess I do that too, but like you, not on purpose. My daughter, however, is PURPOSELY trying to drive me insane. In many ways. This is just one, lol.

Respond to this lunacy here.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: