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YES, Bring Your Fucking Jacket!

Ode to that most frustrating creature, the teenager who would rather freeze his bits off than wear a goddamn coat.

wear a fucking jacket

Teenagers everywhere

Freezing off their derriers.

Wear a fucking coat

It’s wintertime you dolt.

 

They are impervious to the cold

Until they get so old

Hoodies are not jackets

I’ve tried every kind of racket.

 

They don’t even care

As long as they have good hair

They don’t give a shit

About being frost bit.

 

This mom is wearing layers

But her boys are being players

Put on a fucking coat!

You are not a fluffy mountain goat.

 

You are a boy who this mom loves

And she worries because you won’t wear gloves

So please for the love of God

Put a fucking jacket on.

Responses

  1. Cassandra Avatar
    Cassandra

    Amen to that.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Word to your mother.

      I’m sorry. I’m a terrible heathen.

      Like

      Reply
  2. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    HAHHAAH. I love this.

    It could be about me, though. I put off wearing a coat until I’m in danger of hypothermia.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      MICHELLE! Stay warm. I love you.

      Like

      Reply
  3. Mental Mama Avatar
    Mental Mama

    I would LOVE to say this to all the little players running around campus still wearing shorts and hoodies. The high here today is only supposed to be in the 20s. I’m with you – layers, boots, 2 pair of gloves…

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      People are CRAZY! I hate being cold. Hate it. Can’t stand it. I’m a big baby wearing 14 layers every day.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Margot Avatar
    Margot

    This is awesome! I need to print this out and read it to my kids daily. Teen boy just lost his jacket at school and won’t wear another and teen girl will not let it wreck her “outfit.” It was 11 degrees here yesterday and they both left without coats or gloves. I watched the girl out the window and was waiting for her to jam her bare hands in her pockets and start shivering, but, nope, she was holding her phone and staring at it, as usual. At least Uggs are in.

    Like

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    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I just don’t understand. Do they not FEEL the cold?

      Like

      Reply
  5. aviets Avatar
    aviets

    Oh, well done. Twice in the last year I have helped out with my niece, who’s a freshman in high school, and picked her up from from school to find her wearing leggings, a sleeveless shirt, and NO COAT in sub-zero temperatures. Idiocy.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Thanks! At least it’s not just mine. They are all nuts.

      Like

      Reply
  6. Gordon Flanders Avatar
    Gordon Flanders

    Ha! As long as they have good hair they don’t give a shit about being frost bit. Nice.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Lol! Thank you.

      Like

      Reply
  7. Scott Avatar
    Scott

    This is almost every day at my house. Sigh…

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I’ve given up. Now I just focus on the little one and if she’s wearing a coat I feel like I’ve won.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. tiredwife Avatar
    tiredwife

    Ugh…..it was NEGATIVE degrees last week. I caught my 13 year old daughter walking to the bus stop in nothing but skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie. Dumbass, (yes, I have called my child a dumbass) it’s like -5, -20 with wind chill. Where is your coat and gloves????

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    1. tiredwife Avatar
      tiredwife

      But then you have my 11 year old son, who, when he found out it was negative 5, put on 3, yes THREE sweatshirts, 2 pairs of jeans and 3 pairs of socks. And is heavy coat. Child of mine, who do you think does the laundry here? hint, it’s NOT you. Take off 2 sweaters, one pair of jeans and 2 pairs of socks. You’re not building a snowman, you’re walking on the snow free side walk 1/4 mile to the bus stop. put on some long johns under those jeans, ZIP UP your freaking coat and you’ll be fine.

      Like

      Reply
    2. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      You’re cracking me up. Dumbass! You’re not building a snowman! I’m going to start saying that. Dumbass! You’re not building a snowman! Still laughing.

      Like

      Reply
  9. Juliette Kings Avatar
    Juliette Kings

    I’m going to be laughing for the rest of the day… no, the rest of the month. And yes, I just might make my 15 year old read this. THANK YOU.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I’m glad! Thanks lady.

      Like

      Reply
  10. Juliette Kings Avatar
    Juliette Kings

    Reblogged this on West Coast Review and commented:
    Another brilliant post from We Don’t Chew Glass – about teens.

    This post gets a five out of five stars from West Coast Review.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Hey, thanks!

      Like

      Reply
  11. LauraALord Avatar
    LauraALord

    This is fabulous. I’m having this same conversation with my six year old when he gets off the bus. “Why is your coat not on?” “Yes. Yes, you do need it.” “JUST PUT IT ON.”

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      HA! Starting early then, you poor thing.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  12. Sarah (est. 1975) Avatar
    Sarah (est. 1975)

    Is this the next in the “F***” series of kids books? I smell bestseller.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I love it. Brilliant idea. We’ll say it was mine.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  13. Momo Avatar
    Momo

    This is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. Thank you for your verses of wisdom!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Thanks so much!

      Like

      Reply
  14. weebluebirdie Avatar
    weebluebirdie

    Fabulous! I love the line about not being a fluffy mountain goat. Mine often complains about feeling as cold as a penguin! And yes, he too thinks a hoodie is a coat. And all this from a child who lays a fleecy blanket on the sheet to lie on, then another fleecy blanket on top of himself, then a duvet!!! Oh, and he loves his fleecy pyjamas! And yes, it is often colder inside our house than outside. One of those blankets used to be mine…..

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Thanks! Mine will sometimes sleep in a hoodie…but won’t wear a coat. Kids are CRAZY!

      Like

      Reply
  15. qwertygirl Avatar
    qwertygirl

    Outstanding. My 11 year old came home from school yesterday IN SHORTS. No, it’s not 25 or -5–our high yesterday got into the 40s–BUT OUR HIGH YESTERDAY GOT INTO THE FORTIES. PUT ON A PAIR OF FUCKING PANTS. Gah.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      The 60s is cold to me. But I get it. My kids wore shorts into November and it has been a COLD November.

      Like

      Reply
  16. Tempest Rose Avatar
    Tempest Rose

    Ohmygoodness yes. A thousand times yes.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Lol. That’s how many times this month I’ve asked them to wear a coat.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Tempest Rose Avatar
        Tempest Rose

        I used to be the same as a teenager. Now I need about 50 layers and my 3 year old doesn’t understand why.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  17. ercatalano10 Avatar
    ercatalano10

    I used to be this kid. Have no idea why. Now I don’t care what I look like as long as I’m warm.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Me either. Hence the blue onesie.

      Like

      Reply
  18. Laurie Avatar
    Laurie

    My teenage sons both loved wearing t-shirts and thin hoodies on the most frigid January days. I got tired of hearing my voice saying, “Put on something warmer!” I finally gave up and somehow they survived into adulthood.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I’ve given up too. I don’t understand it, but I’m done arguing with it.

      Like

      Reply
  19. Brandyn Avatar
    Brandyn

    Hahaha! I remember being one of those kids who wouldn’t wear a coat! So ridiculous! Now I’m the mom who wears a long sleeve shirt covered with a hoodie and then the full set of winter coat, gloves, and hat if I have to venture out into the cold!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I don’t remember if I was like that or not. I’m really cold natured so I assume I was not. I start wearing layers in September.

      Like

      Reply
  20. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    It was a chilly 40 this morning in Florida, brrrrrr. First time I actually had to wear long pants (outside of work) this year leery alone a jacket!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Florida! Oh, to be in Florida. I’m jealous.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  21. Linda Roy Avatar
    Linda Roy

    And they wear shorts. All winter long. Brrrrr

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      YES! My son just asked me yesterday (it was 30 degrees and windy) if he could wear shorts to school!

      Like

      Reply
  22. anotherfoodieblogger Avatar
    anotherfoodieblogger

    Just so you know, a 19-year-old was found dead in an irrigation canal in the next city up the road this past weekend. She died of hypothermia. The temps were -15 degrees that night, something like that. It is very sad. She had also been drinking alcohol (illegally of course) but I’m sure a lack of proper clothing contributed… Really, this CAN be deadly! It frustrates me to no end with teenagers and their drama fashion sense in the winter.

    I came by you via Juliette at West Coast Review, by the way. Take care. 🙂

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      That is heartbreaking.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  23. harveylisam Avatar
    harveylisam

    Hahaha I really could never understand this, even when I was a teenager myself.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Right? It just doesn’t make sense.

      Like

      Reply
      1. Steph Avatar
        Steph

        I just read that and realized that teenagers don’t make sense, so I guess it *does* make sense.

        Like

        Reply
  24. tantie77 Avatar
    tantie77

    Omg LMAO…I’m dying!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      HA! Glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  25. Manicmom Avatar
    Manicmom

    Seriously, you don’t look nearly so badass in your hoodie when you’re shaking like a schnauzer about to piddle on the carpet. And what’s with the flip flops in November? Gah!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      Like a schnauzer! Hilarious. My husband still has his flip flops out and I’m like PUT THEM AWAY. IT’S WINTER.

      Like

      Reply
  26. Bon Steele Avatar
    Bon Steele

    The opposite to this ode is the summertime habit of wearing like, I dunno, 8 freaking layers of clothing.

    “Girl, why do you have on a bra, undershirt, long sleeve shirt, short sleeve shirt, AND a fucking leather jacket? This is Texas and it is Mt. Doom levels of hot out there.”

    Like

    Reply
    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I know! My son will suddenly decide to dress up in a long sleeve shirt and sweater in 90 degree weather. Kids are just nuts.

      Like

      Reply
  27. kdcol Avatar
    kdcol

    I do believe I’ll forward this to my older son. Since he seems to listen to everybody else but me, maybe this would get him to put his jacket on. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a real coat since his dad let him get just a hoodie for the season. Sigh.

    Like

    Reply
  28. Featured Friday — Motivating Giraffe | Nonsense & Shenanigans

    […] is YES, Bring Your FUcking Jacket! from We Don’t Chew […]

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  29. Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA Avatar
    Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA

    Yeah. I have one that did that. He grew up nonetheless and now that he’s pushing 30 he really digs coats.

    Like

    Reply

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