Things That Keep Me Up At Night

So, I guess we’ve established that I worry too much. I decided to start keeping track of the many things that cause me anxiety each day, because I found myself worrying — legit, worrying — over some super silly shit today.

The first random thing that caused my blood pressure to rise was a commercial for Grey’s Anatomy, probably. I don’t really know; it showed doctors dancing in the operating room.



That shit is not cool. This made me think of all the times I have put my life into a surgeon’s hands and how I don’t really know those people and what if they are having a shitty day? What if in the middle of surgery they decide to take a dance break for fuck’s sake? What if the doctor just found out that his wife is leaving him for their pool boy and he’s real torn up about it and he SLIPS? What if the doctor has a crush on the nurse and he’s making goo-goo eyes across my almost dead body and he accidently takes out my *sternum?

The weird thing is, I’m not having surgery, I have not HAD surgery, and I do not plan to HAVE surgery. So I guess I really don’t need to be stressing about this.

The next thing that really got me was brought on by who the hell knows what, because it’s only September and Jesus Christ tax time is well into my future. You guessed it. I spent probably 30 minutes of my life today trying to decide if I was capable of doing our taxes again myself or if I needed to hire someone to do them, but if I did, what if they messed up and we end up owing the IRS tons of money, or WORSE, what if I do them myself and I mess up and we end up owing the IRS tons of money and….right, it’s only September. I don’t need to even think about this again for at least four, possibly seven months.

Clearly, what I need to be worried about is my anti-anxiety medication because I don’t think that shit is working.

*Fancy medical term meaning chest bone.

Do you worry over the ridiculous? Am I the only one who obsesses over shit that probably will never happen but possibly, could maybe, in a million years, accidentally somehow affect my life?  

About Steph

I like words. I suspect I would like sanity, but I really have no way of knowing. I can be reasonable, but not often. View all posts by Steph

45 responses to “Things That Keep Me Up At Night

  • Mental Mama

    I started worrying about global warming in the first grade. Granted, that was just last year, but still. 😉

    I worry about medical stuff, too. I really stress about going to the dentist. And I’m kind of freaked about the dermatologist appointment next week.

    I wouldn’t worry about the surgeons dancing, although when my mom had her last colonoscopy the doctor did want to pray with her.

    • Steph

      Lol! I’ve never been too worried about the dentist, I think because I’m usually awake during those procedures. What are you worried about at the dermatologist? Is it a fear of the dermatologist or are you worried about your problem? I read your post; I can’t remember if I commented or not, but if not, I hope you feel better soon!

      • Mental Mama

        With the dentist it’s the pain in my mouth, what with the pointy metal things and the potential for shots. The thing with the dermatologist is that the last one “helped” me find out that lidacaine doesn’t work on me – while shaving off a suspicious mole with a razor blade. And yeah, a little is just “how much worse will the cure be?”

        ps – thanks! this shit blows chunks

  • Michelle

    we’re so much alike. I used to have the same worries about bus drivers when I used to ride the bus to work. What if he’s suicidal? What if he’s having a bad day and is distracted? We put a lot of faith into strangers, don’t we?

  • Kristine @ MumRevised

    I am currently worried about/up in the night about my daughter’s amount of worry. Seriously passed on OCD and anxiety. Do I get my mother-of-the-year trophy now or when she enters therapy?

    • Steph

      Oh, kids. What a huge worry there. I passed depression on down to my son and he’s only 12. I hate it. But you know, us worrying about it makes it worse. (Is what I’ve been told by no doubt well-meaning counselors.) I’ll be thinking about you and your daughter.

  • Twindaddy

    Last night I was worried about C falling out of a second story window. He wasn’t even there…

  • Belladonna Took

    This is America. When professionals, such as doctors or accountants, screw up, you can sue them.

    Feel better now?

  • merbear74

    All the fucking time. I like my sternum. A lot.

  • Am I Thirty?

    I just found your blog from Nonsense & Shenanigans and I love it! So glad I did. I worry about the craziest stuff. I can’t even watch those medical shows because it gives me way too much anxiety. I’m always convinced I’m dying after I watch an episode of House.

    • Steph

      I’m so glad you found me! It was so nice of her to do that — totally unexpected but so sweet.

      I’m the same way, and even when I *know* I’m being ridiculous, I still do it.

  • fillyourownglass

    I was half-assedly watching Memphis Belle the other night with my husband. They show this guy getting locked into this tiny bubble-like thing that protrudes from the bottom of the plane. Locked in! For three straight nights I’ve woken up gasping for air, desperately positive someone is going to try to put me in that thing and leave me to suffocate. Odds are I’m safe right? Right?! You are not alone!

    • Steph

      Oh my GOD, something else to worry about. When I lay down to sleep at night, for some reason I always worry that I’m going to have trouble breathing and I have to concentrate on breathing IN and breathe OUT. So weird. So glad I’m not alone!

  • J Rose

    I do that super fun exercise of replaying conversations had 5 years ago, what I said wrong, how I could have fixed it, still feeling incredulous about a judge (in a disability hearing) chastising me for EATING (The one thing that makes you feel the worst!!!!!) while not in town (I asked him if he knew that I would die eventually if I didn’t eat ever). And then this goes on until I work myself up enough to banish my time traveling aspirations from the docket of pondering.

  • Life in a Bind - BPD and me

    Commercials for Grey’s Anatomy cause my blood pressure to rise too, but mostly because I LOVE IT! I think actually the thing that’s made me worry most about doctors, is actually knowing some doctors. Particularly knowing them when they were medical students. If you knew what medical students got up to, you would NEVER want to put yourself in any doctors’ hands again 🙂 These days you can never even be sure if a doctor is looking up useful stuff in online doctor manual type things on their phone, or if they’re checking Facebook… least if the surgeon took out your sternum you’d still have a heart, though it might ‘rattle around’ a bit in there…..but seriously, yes, I can definitely relate to worrying over the minute and the ridiculous (as if I am the ONLY person who ever spilt some coffee in their saucer in a meeting….!), as well as of course, over the huge and unknowable (e.g. whether I’m going to die soon…..),,,,

    • Steph

      So true! You never know whether they are checking email or looking at your chart. I worked in admissions at an ER once and I was appalled — APPALLED, I tell you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who does this!

  • Jana

    I worry about the end of the civilization – whether it be from governmental collapse, natural disaster, or zombies. I’m serious – I have a plan, food, and everything.

  • Sarah (est. 1975)

    When they wheeled me in to the operating theater during my last surgery, the surgeons were in there laughing and talking about peanut butter sandwiches.

  • journeymcguire2014

    Spiders crawling on me in my sleep. The thing that is sure to grab my foot if it rests over the edge of the bed. Broken capillaries on my face that indicate my true amount of wine intake. An empty Franzia box. It’s hell.

  • Life and Other Turbulence

    Great read! Take Joan Rivers advice into consideration: “Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.”

    And provides great material for blogging, no? 🙂

  • stef

    This is exactly how my brain works.

    I wake up almost every single night in the middle of the night, and my brains says, “So. You’re 44. You’re not young any more. What if you’re already sick, and you don’t even know it?”

    And I go off into all the scary medical or health issues I have to look forward to, starting now. Even though I’m perfectly fine.

    Except for insomnia…

  • ponymartini

    I worry that if I leave the knives pointy end up in the dishwasher someone will fall and impale themselves. Or that a dog will try to lick one and cut their tongue. Butter knives are like slicing ninjas.

  • cuteypie5

    I worry about extra body hair. It really chaps my ass if people get really close to me and roam their eyes across me. Not only are they eye groping me but I just know I missed a hair some where and they are all gonna go yelling “Yeti!” or “Cousin IT is that you?” The mind plays some weird stuff on people that suffer anxiety. I really hate being anxious over anything and everything. : )

    • Steph

      I’ve never worried about that one, but I bet I do now, lol. On a serious note, I really hate it too. Lately I’ve been getting really panicky over every little thing and it is scary and not fun.

  • Liz

    Yes, it’s why I always hold my hair when I ride roller coasters, in case it gets caught in something and breaks my neck. Now that I have a kid I can worry about her on roller coasters. Or if she wears a scarf on a windy day and it gets caught by a passing car. Gotta respect the mind. And fear it.

  • bethteliho

    This is how my brain works so I get you. I’ve missed you! Glad to see you’re well, despite knives and such attacking you like the vicious fuckers they are. 🙂

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