I feel like I should warn you…

Not really.  My Grandma feels like I should warn you.  I am just not that kind of person.

Here’s the deal.  I live waaaaay out in the woods.  My best friend, who’s been coming here since second grade, still gets lost.  My husband draws maps for people we like.

Anyway.  The road that goes by my house is marked at both ends with big signs that say things like, “TURN BACK” and “WE ARE HEAVILY ARMED AND SLIGHTLY INSANE.”  Or maybe they just say “Private Drive.”  Whatever.  So regardless of the implied threat and the lack of paved road, people are always cutting through my damn yard.

Recently, the county came out and, in a really impressive amount of time, built a whole new road about 10 feet away from the old one.  This was good, because presumably people would use the new road and I could stop worrying about getting outside in time to yell and throw things at trespassers.

The “problem” is that they cut my driveway off.  (This is not a problem for me.  As I may have mentioned before, Private Drive.  Now it’s super private – even I can’t drive on it.)

So, they cut my driveway off.  What used to be my driveway is now about a four foot drop off into an embankment which then turns into the new road.  Not a problem.  For me.  However, somehow the trespassers innocent people just driving along are MISSING the new road.  Just scootin’ right on by it.  To my driveway.  Which no longer exists.

My grandma wants me to put up signs.  I am thinking:

1. Possibly the road people should’ve thought of that?

2. I don’t need signs, because these idiots are only gonna have to go through here once before they figure it out, right?

3. If they ignored my “VICIOUS ZOMBIE DOGS WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF” signs, they probably just can’t read.

I don’t know.  I’m still debating.  I could build a fence, but at the rate these fuckers are going they’d just drive right through it.  What do you think?  Is it my responsibility to protect illiterate and possibly drunk trespassers from themselves?  Do I need a sign?  And if so, what is a compelling message?  Maybe it should just be a picture.

About Steph

I like words. I suspect I would like sanity, but I really have no way of knowing. I can be reasonable, but not often. View all posts by Steph

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