You know how when you know what’s best for someone else, but they won’t do what you say? Think of this post as a public service announcement. Some of us know exactly what the fuck we are talking about. You should listen. Case in point:
My mom wanted to borrow a book from me. Reasons this was a bad idea:
1. I hate lending my books.
2. I knew she wouldn’t like it.
3. I hate lending my books.
I tried to tell her. She insisted.
Me: You won’t like that one.
Mom: Why do you say that? It sounds good.
Me: She’s too dark. You are not going to like that book. Plus, there are lesbians.
Mom: *huffy* You think I don’t like gay people?
Me: I think you are going to hate that book, and probably lose it, and I HAVEN’T EVEN READ IT YET.
Mom: I’ll bring it back. I’ll even bring back the other one I borrowed. (THIS. This is why I hate lending books.)
I’m finally like, “Take the damn book. But I want it and any other books back in a reasonable amount of time or I’m fining you.” (I didn’t really say that. But that’s a good idea.)
Anyway. A day or so later she brings it back with this horrible look on her face and says, “Here. I can’t read this. It’s just…it’s too…this book isn’t good.”
I’m intrigued. I knew she wouldn’t enjoy it, but if anything, I expected her to start it, forget about it, and me find it under her bed a year from now. The fact that she brought it back holding it out like it was going to bite her was a little confusing to me.
So I started it last night. Holy shit. Guys. I let my mom borrow a book in which the first two chapters include not only steamy lesbian sex, but a strap-on dildo, and extremely detailed descriptions of some rather creative pairings, such as unicorn-on-human. (That might should be human-on-unicorn. I’m not really clear on this.)
I think this may have cured her of borrowing my stuff.
(I told her she wouldn’t like it.)