August 24, 2013

Best Valentine Ever.

By Steph

7:30 a.m. Valentine’s Day about 7 years ago (I’ve been working on this awhile, okay?)

Me: What the fuck have you done?

Gus: Huh?

ME: THERE IS A GOAT ON OUR PORCH. A GOAT WITH ORANGE POLKA DOTS.

Gus: You should probably get some sleep. (I used to work nights.)

Me: Seriously, you have got to see this.

*Ok, so this was going to be a picture of said goat. Unfortunately, someone has sabotaged me and I can’t find the damn picture. However, I googled “spray painted goat” and apparently this is an act of terrorism and animal cruelty. I had no idea I was part of an epidemic. Sweet.

Gus: Holy shit.

Me: Did you spray paint that goat? Because I think that might be illegal.

Gus: Is that a sticker on its ass?

Me: Yeah. It says “do not remove.”

Gus: Can I keep it?

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Where did you get this goat? WHY did you get this goat?

Gus: I’m gonna try to catch it.

**He did not catch it. He claims that he doesn’t know where it came from, nor who painted it and put a sticker on its goat-ass. I have my doubts. I went to sleep and when I got up the goat was gone. Gus was very upset about the loss.

About Steph

I like words. I suspect I would like sanity, but I really have no way of knowing. I can be reasonable, but not often. View all posts by Steph

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 24th, 2013 at 7:43 pm and tagged with goat mayhem, goats, hallucinating, orange goat, polka dots, sticker goat, Valentine's Day and posted in nature hates me, total chaos. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.