Even More Issues!

I tried to set this blog up to accept subscription payments to pay someone to do things like set this blog up to accept subscription payments and to help with any other thing but that’s not happening right now, which is discouraging AF but I’m pretty much all in on this new idea, so.

This is out of nowhere but I want to say it: I don’t really feel like taking a bath that often; I think the master bathroom feels like the safest room in the house when not one single thing gives me reason to believe I am unsafe in any other room. (If you don’t count the snakes or the bear, which I don’t.) My pandemic-exacerbated-agoraphobia is so bad now I can’t even just be in my house, I have to be inside a room inside a room, like those hollow nesting dolls. (Hollow Dolls is the best name oh wow. Just call me “Hollow.” No, don’t, that’s creepy.)

I just looked up ‘agoraphobia’ to make sure I was using the right word and oh damn. I don’t want to talk about it because I’m afraid someone will attempt to “fix” me and make it worse. I mean like pushing me off a cliff when I’m taking too long to jump, not just saying words at me. You can say words at me. I would like you to say words even! Do it!

Right, so about the subscription thing.

It is kind of a gamble. Here’s the thing: Lots of people are selling stuff online (on Etsy you can buy a picture of a word, download it, and print it at home) or teaching classes (I’m on like my 4th or 5th free one I think, not that I retain any information) or making money blogging (via ads or sponsored posts or some other magic) or asking for donations through Patreon or Cash App, and LOTS of people apparently have money to spend on those things. There are people paying actual dollars to other people for many different types of content and if there are people who have the kind of money to do that and there are people who cried last night because they can’t accept the fact that this is likely as highly functioning as they will ever be, well, then they have to try.

And here we are. Do I think my words are worth more than a dollar? Yes. Can I guarantee a certain number of words on any sort of schedule? No. It could be a day, could be 33 days. If it’s longer than that, please make sure I remember we’re doing this, okay? (I swear it’s worse than the getting old kind of forgetting, it’s like early-onset dementia the shit I forget, I’m serious.)

Confession: I write almost every night. Sometimes all night. That’s all I’m capable of, scribbling into a notebook or my tablet. I could do that almost as easily here, but it seems too stupid. Maybe what you guys are actually subscribing to is a front seat to the mental breakdown I’m having. Half the time I’m absolutely hysterical (in the crazy way, not the funny way, but sometimes I’m funny too), all of the time there are crises everywhere, and it’s gotta be like 27% (wildly inaccurate guess based on absolutely nothing) of people who are at least as fucked up as I am, so. And then there’s the really small percentage, like 3%, who will not only “get” this, they will feel it in their sad, sad bones.

God. I’m so sorry, I have no idea why I’m laughing.

Yeah! So, you should come hang out with us!

Okay! I guess we’ll see what happens. I can’t make this hard for myself in any way (it’s already hard for me) so I’m not making any wild promises like I’ll link to an awesome song, post once a week/month/year, share any of the hundreds of projects I’ve photographed specifically to blog about them, answer any questions, interview any and all of you, ever come back here again, etc., bc God knows all I do is cancel appointments. (If I’ve ever met you in real life, please never mention this.) (Sometimes I have legitimate reasons so!) I just really need to do something. EEEEK I’M STRESSING ABOUT IT NOW OMG THE FUCKING ISSUES!

“SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE ISSUES” I LOVE IT!

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