As you can see, I survived the Holiday Season, fraught with human interaction though it was. It has taken me this long to reach some semblance of recovery…you know, back to my normal state of pajamas and pony tails and questionable hygiene.
I’m just going to dip my toes into the blog in this first post, and maybe next time I will plug my nose and jump all the way in.
Here are some of the Most Ridiculous Things my family has said to me during my break.
Thing 1: I slept for like 13 hours!
Me: I know. I thought about waking you guys up, but I knew you’d want me to feed you.
Thing 1: Wow…the maternal instinct is so strong…I can’t even.
Husband: *speaks only in puns for a damned hour*
Me: Your puns are not making me happy.
Thing 3: Boogycalla.
Thing 3: A long time ago, ancient people used that word for ‘hello.’
Me: I hate everything that’s on my desk.
Husband: You also hate everything that’s not on your desk.
Me: Excellent point.
Thing 1: So…food?
Me: It’s one o’clock. I’ll make dinner at dinnertime.
Me: I can’t feed you twice a day! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
Me: Anyway, dinner is the most important meal of the day.
Thing 1: We’ve been talking for like 10 minutes and you’ve lied to me three times.
*You may have noticed a theme here regarding my children and their near-constant demands for nourishment. I don’t know if all kids are like this, but mine like to eat at least 12 times a day. I personally don’t care how much they eat, it’s how much they expect me to cook that appalls me.
I would like to point out that these kids are 16, 12, and 6.
1.5 of them are fully capable of cooking for themselves without supervision.
**Thing 2 is missing from this post because all he says anymore sounds to me like, “Football, football, yardline, pass, interception, football, that guy, football, some guy, Madden, football, football, football.” It is barely English.