August 2, 2014

Most Unforgettable or Weirdest Idiot You Ever Saw

By Steph

Apparently I’ve always been a little weird. The other day I was doing a little stalking browsing on Facebook and ended up having to break out my old yearbooks. I got to reading the messages that people wrote in them and noticed a theme. The most-mentioned terms were “weirdness” or “goofiness” or “craziness.”

This led me to think back on my early years, to try and figure out just what exactly got me voted “Most Unforgettable.”

Here’s what I came up with:

In the 6th grade my mom found a nest of baby mice in her dresser drawer. While she was chasing the momma mouse down the hall with a broom, I was preparing a final resting place for the babies. I took a small box and filled it with Easter grass and wrapped it carefully. Then I buried it in the yard with due ceremony. I felt very proud of my humanity and the dignity in which I laid those mice to rest. Until my mother pointed out later that they were still alive when I buried them. I swear to you, it NEVER EVEN OCCURRED to me that I was burying them alive. Not once.

In the 7th grade I put an egg on the heat register of a classroom where the teacher taught us the value of using only one square of toilet paper in the restroom. This was ostensibly World History but we learned much more than that, including that a rotten egg smells terrible and the joke was on me as I was one of the people who had to smell it.

Also in 7th grade I used fake tanner. Only on my legs. I was (still am) whiter than white and I hated it (still do) but I was too lazy to apply the tanner everywhere, so I had very dark legs and very white everything else. I wish I had a picture of this ridiculousness. This was after I got sunburned so badly that I literally had blisters on my ass cheeks. I guess I felt like half tan was better than burnt to a crisp.

This, except opposite.

This, except opposite.

In 8th grade I had one of those sharks in a jar like you get from the beach. Normal enough, except my best friend and I decided to open it up and dissect it. Why, you ask? I have no fucking idea. This was also the year that a teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and my answer was “eccentric.” I think I nailed that one.

In the 9th grade I decorated my shoes with multicolored yarn so that my feet closely resembled Fraggles. If you don’t know what Fraggles are, you are too young to be here.

In the 10th grade, my Home Ec vest project was such a disaster that I wrapped it in wet paper towels and threw it away in the bathroom, hoping that no one would be gross enough to investigate. They weren’t, but I still got an F.

In the 11th grade I wore those tall white socks with the colored stripes around the top. With shorts. Who am I kidding, I still wear those. I love those socks.

All through high school I used to skip school to go on my own private field trips. My best friend and I would go to zoos, drive through safaris, and animal rescues, where we would do irresponsible things like climb fences to pet elephants, feed Cheetos to monkeys, and get sprayed by ligers. Note: Monkeys will give you a rash. It’s unfortunate.

I still don’t really get it. None of those things seem exceptionally nutty to me…but then, my scale of weird may be different than others. What’s something you’ve done that people thought was crazy?

 

About Steph

I like words. I suspect I would like sanity, but I really have no way of knowing. I can be reasonable, but not often. View all posts by Steph
This entry was posted on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014 at 6:54 pm and tagged with , , , , , and posted in random bullshit. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

33 responses to “Most Unforgettable or Weirdest Idiot You Ever Saw”

  • @shthisisme
    August 2nd, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I took guitar lessons at 15. The first few weeks were difficult while I built up the calluses necessary on my fingertips to properly press the strings to the neck of the guitar and get a decent tone from the strings. I was largely marginalized anyway, so I decided to remind my classmates why they should continue to ostracise me by threading a needle and pullung the needle through the calluses and sewing my fingertips together. No pain, no blood.

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  • J Rose
    August 2nd, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    I was voted weirdest at my school my senior year. I was surprised but not unpleasantly so, especially since it was an art school. I was known for giving piggy back rides to people, making tile angels in the halls (like snow angels but on tile flooring), asking random people if they’d let Jesus into their hearts (’cause he’s knocking on the door, let him in!) loudly, in a southern accent, which I didn’t normally have.
    I’ve always been weird. I don’t really have a say about it, but it has served me well so far.

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  • cellulitelooksbettertan
    August 2nd, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    I think we might be twins. I’ve never buried live baby mice though. Not even by accident. Loved this post.

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  • tattoogirl
    August 2nd, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    Everything I do people think is crazy. I like being a little quirky! It’s better than being boring. Good post! Thanks for making me laugh! xo

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  • Michelle
    August 3rd, 2014 at 5:28 am

    Hmmm..I don’t think I do anything weird. Well…not to me. Other people think it’s weird that I painted the dead trees in my back yard…or that we dug up half the yard and made it a wild flower garden which is really, to be fair, half wild flower and half wild weed garden. Not the good kind of weed for anyone reading who might be DEA…just garden weeds. We have a signed poster of a moonshiner in our kitchen and Alice in Wonderland in our living room. I also tend to say the words that form in my head without filtering them which is probably what makes me the most weird. To other people. I think it’s normal.

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  • Mental Mama
    August 3rd, 2014 at 6:31 am

    Ayup, you win.

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  • gluestickmum
    August 3rd, 2014 at 9:53 am

    8-o I STILL only fake tan my legs once summer’s properly underway. My arms tan, my face I daren’t touch with fake stuff (not like I can wear a balaclava if – when! – it all goes wrong. But my legs seem to have melanin, I think from years of being encased in heavy denim and thus not subjected to light. So if I have any intention of forcing them onto the public I have to for safety issues as snow blindness is a concern for anyone in the proximity in their natural state.
    As a child I was a walking bundle of weird. Although it all seemed so normal to me at the time.

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    • Steph
      August 3rd, 2014 at 9:55 am

      Ha! I’m so glad I’m not the only one! And I totally share your fear of self tanner on the face. I’ve just given up completely. I’m a white freckled mess and that’s just the way it’s going to be, I guess.

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  • Liz
    August 3rd, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    Love the tan thing. That’s awesome. Next time do half your face, and, of course, take pictures. Oddest thing I ever did was, to impress a guy in 7th grade biology, as we were dissecting a fetal pig together (first date! but not really!) I challenged him to an eyeball race, ie, we’d take out the pig’s eyes, throw them at the wall, and see which eyeball made it to the floor first. I sure knew how to woo em. I don’t think he took me up on my challenge tho.

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  • Twindaddy
    August 4th, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Hahaha. Eccentric! That you are.

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  • Jessica
    August 4th, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Huh. That all seems pretty normal to me. I was voted “most eccentric” in my high school from 9th through 12th grades. On bedtime day everyone wore footie pajamas and I wore spike heels and a black negligee. I dressed up every Halloween. On 60’s day for spirit week everyone else dressed like a hippie and I came as Jackie O. I turned a pink satin bedsheet into a sari on year and went barefoot. I read fantasy fiction and Elf Quest and romance novels (not sissy ones either- big old historical epics.) I couldn’t tell you a thing about pop culture but I knew that William the Bastard invaded England in 1066. I made straight A’s, knew how to correctly pronounce Persephone, laughed at teachers and was, in general, a pedantic little shit of a student. No wonder they mostly hated me.

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    • Steph
      August 4th, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      We would have gotten on well, I think. 🙂

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      • Jessica
        August 5th, 2014 at 6:35 am

        I feel like this is the case also. I found the society for creative anachronism and thus, a group of people that found *me* to be *normal* and it’s really helped smooth out the rough edges of my personality. I travel through northern Arkansas to visit my folks in Perryville though, and I often wonder if the towns I’m passing through are the one you live in. LOL. Yep, stalker tendencies. I guess not all the rough edges are worn off.

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  • Sarah (est. 1975)
    August 4th, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    “In the 11th grade I wore those tall white socks with the colored stripes around the top. With shorts. Who am I kidding, I still wear those. I love those socks.”

    DUDE. NOW I WANT TO GO OUT AND BUY LIKE A 15 PACK OF THOSE SOCKS.

    (Great post. I laughedy laughed.)

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  • Aimee
    August 11th, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Weird is what made us fun. And our “field trips” were what got me through high school. Loved it!!

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  • Sandy Ramsey
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    You have definitely justified your unforgettable-ness and yes, nailed eccentric! I love this so much especially the fake tan and I love tube socks! I had actually forgotten all about them.
    This was really great!

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