Well, the new perspective lasted for about two days. Friday I was feeling especially useless, so of course I got into some things I shouldn’t have, and now I feel like microwaved death.
Things I Accomplished on Friday, otherwise known as Didn’t I Used to be Smarter Than This?
- Drank 3 cups of coffee and topped it off with an extra-strength 5-hour energy drink. I was shaking so badly that when my neighbor came over, she used an app on her phone to check my heart rate. Also, I accused her of taking pictures of my feet without asking. I was just a little wound up. I’m not sure she’ll ever come back.
- Attempted to weed around my rose bush. Forgot that roses have thorns. (Of course I know that every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn.)
- Took a bath to calm down and meditate, but took a non-fiction medical textbook and highlighter with me. Did not bathe, meditate, or relax, but did drop blue highlighter in bath water. A blue tint is not a good look for me.
- Cleaned off the porch and picked up the yard. This was only stupid because I had plans Saturday and I was supposed to be taking it easy. Husband: I thought I specifically told you not to do that. Me: See what happens?
- Husband called and asked me a question. I responded with, “What day is it?” He said, “Friday, why?” Me: “I have no idea. But thanks.” From now on, I’m just going to answer all questions with “what day is it” because it confuses people while making me briefly sound as if I have a plan and/or know the answer to their question.
- Told my oldest child that he could dye his hair black and build a meth lab in his room. These people around here are always giving me a hard time, and one of the things they say is that I “stifle their creativity.” This is usually said after I’ve vetoed the purchase of a mobile waffle wagon or asked someone to stop singing and playing guitar at 3 am. So when he said he was going to build a lab in his room (thank you, Walter White) I said, “Well, you do need to make some money.” I maybe should’ve just asked what day it was. Thing 3: You really need to work on your parenting skills. Maybe take a class…something.
Since I obviously know all about making good decisions, parenting, and general success at life, this week I am going to:
- Attempt to finish a blog post that I’ve been putting off and off and off. (Yes, Aussa, that one.)
- Write the 17 articles that I should have started working on last week.
- Attend one parent teacher conference.
- Try to survive a field trip to a drive-through safari with approximately 20 children under five years old.
I also intend to:
- Shower at least
three timestwice. (No need to go overboard here.)
- Wear clothes that match when I leave the house.
- Pet my cat and hopefully a kangaroo.
- Drink more water and zero energy drinks.
- Sit on my porch.
I’m all about attainable goals these days and, I hate to brag, but I’m pretty sure I can do at least 3 of those things.
April 27th, 2014 at 8:54 pm
Have you seen Coloring Book Corruptions? Good coloring project for you!
Also, if there are llamas and giraffes at your safari, I demand photos.
April 27th, 2014 at 9:02 pm
No, I haven’t, but I will check it out! Thanks! And I will be sure to take lots of pics! I’ve been before, but never with this many kids, lol.
April 27th, 2014 at 9:03 pm
Oh My GOD! HAHAHAHA! I’m dying over here, and I only saw 3 pictures. Thanks for sharing.
April 27th, 2014 at 8:59 pm
I don’t think I’d have realized how serious it was if you didn’t quote Poison.
Take two Dire Straits, and post again in the morning.
April 27th, 2014 at 9:04 pm
Lol. Yeah, it’s kind of a big deal once you start quoting hair bands.
April 27th, 2014 at 10:24 pm
Has your neighbour spoken to you yet? I bet they were taking pics of your feet Steph!
April 27th, 2014 at 10:44 pm
No, but I bet she will when she reads this! She was trying to take my heart rate but when the light on her phone came on as she was walking towards me I tucked my feet up and yelled, “What are you doing? Why are you taking pictures of my feet?!” I’m preeeetty sure she thinks I belong in the nuthouse.
April 27th, 2014 at 11:08 pm
I think I would’ve exploded had I drank that much caffeine! And now, I’m ultra-curious about the post you’re going to complete. If you’re procrastinating, one could infer that it’s maybe not easy to write. Either way,sitting on the edge of my seat over here. Hurry up.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:06 am
Deanna, I think I almost did. Then I googled energy drinks and decided I was never drinking one again. But I am pretty tired today, lol.
The post. Yes, the post. I made a comment on Aussa’s blog about something and she’s been hounding me for the story ever since. (muah, Aussa, if you’re reading this.) It is not easy to write, because I think it is a very sensitive-type topic and I’m trying to walk a fine line without much success. Now you’re even more intrigued! Bahahahaha!
April 28th, 2014 at 3:15 am
April 28th, 2014 at 7:06 am
Thanks! I’m a mess, lol.
April 29th, 2014 at 6:14 am
Aren’t we all!!!!
April 28th, 2014 at 5:05 am
I almost always overdo it on the weekends and then pay for it heavily come the first few days of the week..it’s a lovely cycle, really. We are both stubborn, looks like..
Most used sentence recently: “Huh? What did you say, dear? I cannot brain today, i have the dumbs.”
April 28th, 2014 at 7:08 am
Lol. I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday my son was looking for a spoon and I said, “Whichever one wets your whistle.” Then we both just looked at each other, and I was like, “I know that’s wrong, but I don’t know why…” Floats your boat! Whatever floats your damned boat! 😉
April 28th, 2014 at 7:10 am
I say that all the time…when I remember. 😉
April 28th, 2014 at 5:13 am
I love this post. I love it when we take our insecurities and make them funny. Because when I read it, I feel better about me. I’m not by myself. I am like other people!
I actually petted a kangaroo this month. I hope you get to pet one.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:13 am
Thanks Michelle! That’s been my favorite thing about starting this blog — finding out there are SO MANY people out there that I have so much in common with. It’s awesome.
The last time I was there they had kangaroos, but I’m not sure what the rules will be this time. A field full of kangaroos, goats, and 5 year olds just kind of seems like a recipe for disaster. I’m going to have my camera ready, just in case.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:07 am
I HATE it when people take pictures of my feet without asking.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:19 am
Right?! A person really needs permission for shit like that.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:20 am
April 28th, 2014 at 7:13 am
Did the kangaroo happen? Did you shower? Did you do all the other things?
Like George Michael says: “You got to have faith.”
I don’t know if he means Jesus faith or like, faith in your life or whatever, but I think it’s good advice.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:25 am
For fuck’s sake, Angelle, it’s like 8 am. I haven’t done a thing except drink coffee and play Candy Crush. I promise you will be the first to know when and if I do any of the things, because I love you even when you are harassing me unmercifully.
And I have faith that I’ll be singing that song in my head for the rest of the day, if that counts.
April 28th, 2014 at 7:26 am
Hahaha! I’m on my second cup 😉 CATCH UP!
April 28th, 2014 at 7:45 am
You got to have faith, faith, faith, baby!
April 28th, 2014 at 11:22 am
You, Steph, struck me as a person with very photogenic feet. You know, if they’re not blue from the bathwater.
April 28th, 2014 at 12:03 pm
Hahaha! *blushes* Why yes, my feet are nice. But a person should ask first!
April 28th, 2014 at 11:27 am
I totally heard that “just like every night has its daw–aww-awwwn” right before I read the next line. BWAHAHA.
I could *so* hang out with you. A+ on setting goals and not stifling your kids’ creativity, while encouraging a work ethic. *giggle*
I’m going to start asking people what day it is more often. .I already NEVER know what day it is–I know it’s Sunday because Shane’s home, but other than that, it’s pretty much up in the air, for me. Today, I’m like, “So we were all home yesterday…that makes today…Monday, right?”
All hilarious, and totally relatable!
April 28th, 2014 at 12:11 pm
YES! I was wondering if everyone was singing that line and, of course, hoping that they were. You and I would get along just amazingly, I’m sure. And, whenever someone asks you a question say, “Hmm. What is today?” Then nod. They’ll think you have some sort of master plan, or at least know what’s going on. 😉
April 28th, 2014 at 1:19 pm
I know right? Nodding enigmatically, with a well-timed, “hmm” is a great response for just about any situation… 😉
April 30th, 2014 at 7:20 pm
I cant believe their is a hear rate app that I haven’t heard of. That’s happening now. Also, I could not stop laughing at the foot thing. Reminds me of JD Salinger.
May 2nd, 2014 at 8:56 pm
The miserable sneak! Lol. And yes, you of all people should probably have that app. I want it too now.
May 3rd, 2014 at 11:26 pm
*catches breath* omg this post is hilarious! The visual of you all hopped up on caffeine while your neighbor checks your heart rate…..*dies laughing*
and I love the idea of asking what day it is whenever someone is talking to you. It does give an impression of “I’m very busy” and “I’m doing great things, I can’t be bothered with calendars”
Good luck getting at least 3 of those goals done this week. You can do eeeeet.
May 4th, 2014 at 9:40 am
Lol! Thanks Beth. I *did* manage to do three of those things! Which 3 is not really that important. 😉
May 3rd, 2014 at 11:27 pm
I just noticed your tag line, who did I not see that before. Fucking hilarious.
May 4th, 2014 at 9:41 am
That’s really funny, cause I was just looking at it yesterday and thought, “I haven’t talked about pie in a while. Maybe I should change this.” Perfect timing, because I’m lazy, so thank you!
May 7th, 2014 at 3:32 pm
I need a new tagline I think. when I made mine up, I had no idea what blogging was about. I was just starting and thinking it would all be about writing. Now I write about writing about 4% of the blog. The rest is about…well, anything goes really, but I bet I mention sex and/or sex with Adam Levine more than anyone else. LOL.
On my FB page it says: I write stuff and overshare. You’re welcome.
That about sums me up. 🙂
May 7th, 2014 at 8:19 pm
Part of me thinks the “other shit” part is perfect…it lets people know right off the bat that I’m likely to talk about anything and that I have a sailor’s vocabulary. The other part of me thinks it is off-putting. Then yet another part thinks *that* is perfect because *I* am off-putting, lol!