I know best.

You know how when you know what’s best for someone else, but they won’t do what you say?  Think of this post as a public service announcement.   Some of us know exactly what the fuck we are talking about. You should listen.  Case in point:

My mom wanted to borrow a book from me.  Reasons this was a bad idea:

1.  I hate lending my books.
2.  I knew she wouldn’t like it.
3.  I hate lending my books.

I tried to tell her.  She insisted.

Me:  You won’t like that one.

Mom:  Why do you say that?  It sounds good.

Me:  She’s too dark.  You are not going to like that book.  Plus, there are lesbians.

Mom:  *huffy* You think I don’t like gay people?

Me:  I think you are going to hate that book, and probably lose it, and I HAVEN’T EVEN READ IT YET.

Mom:  I’ll bring it back.  I’ll even bring back the other one I borrowed.  (THIS.  This is why I hate lending books.)

I’m finally like, “Take the damn book.  But I want it and any other books back in a reasonable amount of time or I’m fining you.”   (I didn’t really say that.  But that’s a good idea.)

Anyway.  A day or so later she brings it back with this horrible look on her face and says, “Here.  I can’t read this.  It’s just…it’s too…this book isn’t good.”

I’m intrigued.  I knew she wouldn’t enjoy it, but if anything, I expected her to start it, forget about it, and me find it under her bed a year from now.  The fact that she brought it back holding it out like it was going to bite her was a little confusing to me.

So I started it last night.  Holy shit.  Guys.  I let my mom borrow a book in which the first two chapters include not only steamy lesbian sex, but a strap-on dildo, and extremely detailed descriptions of some rather creative pairings, such as unicorn-on-human.  (That might should be human-on-unicorn.  I’m not really clear on this.)

I think this may have cured her of borrowing my stuff.

(I told her she wouldn’t like it.)